i walk into the room that i haven't been in in months. it's dreary, dark, and lifeless. this room that was once full of sweet strums of a guitar and soothing songs was now dead silent. too silent.
i walk over to the desk, stacks and stacks of half written songs, and notes from friends, and one small gold envelope. it haven't been opened in many weeks, i've been too emotionally unstable to read it.
i reluctantly pick up the letter with shaky hands. i open up the small, beautifully written letter, and unfold it, regretting my decision with every movement.
i let out a shaky breath as i read the first word.
January 31, 2025
dearest y/n,
i never wanted to be writing this letter, but i'm too nervous to be telling you this face to face. let me start by telling you this. i love you with all that i am. i love you more than you could imagine. you've been with me for almost 9 years of my life, through wedding vows, the birth of our sweet baby girl, my endless tours and late night work hours, through everything, and i couldn't be happier.
you gave me the life i never imagined having. you loved me no matter what, and never left my side. through all my difficulties, your smile and beautiful, beautiful face got me through it. now i'm sitting here smiling like an idiot down at this letter just thinking of you.
and our sweet girl, she's everything i could've asked for. her smile, the way that her little dimples appear when she gleams up at you, her caramel colored eyes and dirty blond hair, she's perfect babe.
i wish i could've been there for her. all those countless tea parties that she's wanted to have but i was too busy, i regret them all. i was never there when she wanted to play, watch movies, go out to eat dinner, go to the toy store, none of that. i should've been as good of a father to her as you are a mother. you are the best mother to her. don't ever doubt your self.
but hun, i want you to move on. don't spend your whole life missing the time that we had and time we missed out on. find someone else who makes you feel like a princess. but please don't forget. don't ever forget out midnight cuddles, picnics in the field, and sleepovers under the stars. don't ever forget that i was your first kiss, first love, and the father to our girl.
i love you more than you know, and it kills me to know how you're feeling right now. just know in your mind and heart that i'm always here. always. i'm never going to leave your side, and remember that. you are the best thing that ever happened to me. tell my precious girl that this goodbye is not forever. most of all, make sure she knows that i still love her, and she will always be my princess. tell her to be the sweet, caring, bubbly girl that she has always been, even when daddy isn't around. and for you, i'm always still here. you are the only person that i could've imagined spending this life with. you are my love, my only love. take care of yourself sweet pea, i love you so much
-Shawn
my legs feel queazy and my head heavy. tears began to stream down my face. i bolted for the front door.
i dashed into the December snow of Ontario the wind nipping it my nose.
i ran, not stopping once, letter in hand, not even thinking about looking back.
my legs began to shake and my toes and fingers went numb as i approach a small, now snow blanketed field. i ran down the barely visible gravel path and as i run over every hill, i recall the events that took place there. sleepovers, picnics, movies in cars, my first kiss, the proposal. something about being there, even now in the raging blizzard, gave me a sense of comfort.
i approach a big willow tree, now bare and frozen solid, and kneel down next to the trunk. at the base of the tree, a small message carved into the tough bark. i used my cold hand to scrape off the snow covering it, i read it to myself.
Shawn & y/n
forever and always
i look below the carving to see the small headstone that haunted me.
Shawn Peter Raul Mendes
August 8, 1998 - February 1, 2025
husband, father, legend
you were unlike any other,
you changed the world
i began to cry freely, but not from sadness. i could feel him, his warm breath on my neck as i sat on the snow covered ground.
it's like he was with me, in fact, i knew he was. he's always been here.
***
this kinda corresponds w the last one hmm
lindsey
