But I Love Him, Guys (Chayley)

Chapter 6

“Don't stress about it, T. I’m just fine.” I said, rubbing my temples in aggravation. “You always say that. But, I know how you are, and you most likely want to stab in him in the throat.” I just looked over at him. He gave me a look and said, “See? I know you too well.” “I hope he doesn’t come back here because I will probably curse him the hell out. But, then again, I want him to come back because he’s supposed to be there for me.” I said. “Yeah. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to react to this. He’s seriously afraid. I could see it on his face.” “Taylor, there’s no excuse…” “I know. But…” “No, let me finish. I have to say this…” He silenced himself, then I started talking. “I was depressed. And that’s typical in women who’ve lost their babies. But, I considered doing things that I would’ve never advised anyone to do to themselves. I always promote self-love, but in these past couple months, I feel like I’ve been fighting myself. I don't even feel like a proper model for self-love. I don't even feel like I love… myself anymore, Taylor. I hate myself for not being aware of my body. I didn’t throw up. I didn’t feel any nausea. But… I don't know…” “What did you consider, Hayley?” “I… I… I just basically wanted to die.” “Hayley, I don't know how you feel. But, I’ll be here for you, if Chad’s not. That’s what I’m here for- to be there all the time. I'm even staying the night with you.” “Aww. Thanks, Button.” I said, reaching over to pull him into a hug.

He smiled at me and then said, “So, what if Chad doesn’t shape up? You're already dealing with physical trauma from today, and they’re questioning the babies life status. But, you dealing with his bullshit won’t be healthy for you or the baby. You know that, right?” “Yeah..” “And you know what that means?” “That I've gotta let him come back to me. But, I can't help but apologize. It just quickens the makeup process.” “Hayley, he’s in the wrong. He gets bad news about two events that have traumatized you and he wants to walk away? How about no? Now, it's his turn.” “What do you mean? His turn to what?” “To sit on the other side of that door, waiting to see someone he loves and not fuck it up. There’s only one visitor a time, so I guess he can wait until tomorrow because I’m gonna stay in here with my best friend.” I just smiled at him, before there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” I call. “Chad.” I hear. Taylor gives me a look, but I really wanted to see him. Unfortunately, I needed him right now. But, I just said, “Go away.” “Hayley, Jeremy and your sister is here.” “Erica? Jeremy? I haven’t seen them in weeks,” I whispered to myself. “Come in.” Taylor just rolls his eyes and lets everything go. I see Jeremy and Erica and instantly feel 110% better. “Jeremy, you flew back! And Erica, hey!” I yelp, smiling the biggest smile. “Hayley!” Erica says, running over to me, to give me a hug. “Hey, love.” I reply, hugging her back tight. “Hayley, what happened to you?!” she said, after pulling out of the hug. “There was some crazy commotion at this bowling alley, and they were basically throwing me around like a rag doll, so now I'm in the hospital.” “That’s it?” she said, almost not believing me. “Well, yeah… Sorry if this isn’t enough for you to feel like you need to be here..” “No, no, Hayley. The news were saying that you were dying, Hayley. They said you were dying. Your fans are blowing up my twitter, asking if I know anything.” “What?” “Yes. Have you even checked your phone?” “No.” “Well, that’s fine. But, how are you?” “I'm just a little in pain. More like a lot in pain.” “Haha.” I smiled and said, “But, other than that, I've just been living. How’s college?” “I don't wanna talk about that. I just wanna talk about you. I'm fine. You, on the other hand, are in the hospital.”

Then, my doctor comes in and says, “Sorry to interrupt, but there’s a strict rule for one person in this room. We don't need Hayley getting overwhelmed by the attention. We actually advise you guys go home to get rest. Visiting hours are over, actually.” “But, she’s just got into a serious accident. We need to see her.” Jeremy said. “Yes, but you must follow the rules. If one of you are staying the night in here with Hayley, I need to know now.” She said. “Can we get at least 30 minutes left with her?” Jeremy asked. “Jeremy, just come give me a hug. I’ll see you tomorrow. You, too Erica.” I said, holding my arms out. They both hugged me and then left. “I’ll call you guys later.” I told them, on their ways out. Then, Taylor was sitting in a chair next to me, while Chad was far on the other side of the room. “Taylor?” I said. He looked up from his phone and said, “Yeah?” “Aren't you gonna go home?” “No…” he replied back with a confused expression. “Why would I?” Chad spoke up and said, “Because visiting hours are over and only one person can stay the night.” “And that’s me. Goodnight, Chad.” He said, with an attitude. I mentally rolled my eyes. “Did Hayley say that? No, she didn’t.” “Actually… she did. Didn’t you, Hayley?” Taylor replied. I just rested my head back and ignored them. “Both of you are stressing her out,” the doctor said. “Once Hayley says the word, one of you are to leave. This is immature. Other than that, within the next 30 seconds, security will get here and have you BOTH out..” “No, no. We don't need that,” I said, sitting up, which actually hurts because my body is aching. “Taylor…” I said, giving him a look. “Hayley, you just told me that I was staying with you.” “I know, but…” “Forget it, Hayley,” he said, getting his stuff and standing up. “I've been there for you when this asshole continually kept hurting you and still you pick him over me.” “What are you talking about, Taylor? Did you seriously ever think that I’d EVER choose you to stay the night over my own HUSBAND?” “Her blood pressure is rising…” the doctor commented. “Well…” Taylor kind of responded. “NO. I would never do that. I'm committed to my husband through thick and thin. And I know this may hurt, but he kind of comes first.” “Wow,” he said. “And this is all over a guy you didn’t want to tell you had a miscarriage to. But, you could tell me, right? Okay.” “Wait, you told him first?” Chad asked. “Yup. She did. And you wanna know why? Let me guess the obvious. You don't know how to react to sensitive situations like this, so she told who? Ding, ding, ding. ME- the person who’s always been there. But, you don’t ever have to apologize, right? Right.” he said, before walking out of the door.

I just buried my face in my hands, feeling through my hair. I wanted to just pull my hair, but I just held it together. Instead, I said, "Chad.." "Yeah, babe?" He replied, lifting his head to look up at me. "Just leave please. I just don't need the stress. That's actually something I need relieved." "But.." he protested. But, I interrupted, "If you care about me and love me, you'd leave." He just nodded, stood up, and started walking over to me. "Don't even touch me. Just.. get out." I said, turning away from him. He looked down, nodded, and walked out.

The doctor told me that she'd back later to check on me and I just nodded in response. When she left, I made my way out of the hospital bed, even I was on bedrest and everything hurt. I just wanted to get my phone. I walked over to the counter and it turns out that my screen is completely cracked. I sigh, but attempt to use it anyway, even though it might cut me. I go through my contacts and call my sister, so that I may have someone to talk to and so I won't be so lonely here by myself.