Kahi Ankahi

Chapter 20

I woke up to the annoying sound of my alarm tone. I was so infuriated by it that I picked up my iPhone and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a thud. I hadn't been feeling myself lately. I had been hating everything; hating myself. I had started losing my temper very easily. Everything she had said was just so true. I've been so disturbed the last 4 days. I have this feeling within me that I don't know how to describe. I feel like I'm incomplete. I have never felt this way before. I ran my hand through my messy hair. I haven't had a haircut in what seemed like ages. I hadn't shaved in a long while. Basically, I was a mess. The sound of my door opening distracted me. I got up and looked at the door and saw Shehry standing there.

"Yeh kya awaaz thi?" He asked and my eyes instantly fell upon my phone which was now on the floor. 

"Mera mobile gir gaya." I replied, not looking at him.

"More like mobile phenk ke todh diya." He said, picking up the cellphone from the ground. I looked at him. "Thanks to the shock resistant cover you bought for your phone, you just damaged the screen and not the entire thing." He stated, examining my phone.

"Kya hogaya hai, Hussain tujhe?" He asked, sitting next to me. He placed my now broken phone between us.

"Pata nahi." I replied. "Mujhe laga tha ke main yeh sab kar sakoonga. Mujhe laga tha ke main usse door reh sakoonga. It's hard, Shehry." I added, still looking down.

He didnt say anything. He just sat beside me.

"Shehry, uske lehje mein itna dard numaayan tha ke mujhe khud se nafrat hogayi hai. Jaane anjaane mein maine uss shakhs ko itna dukh diya jispe main iss duniya ki saari khushiyaan lutaa dena chahta tha." I said, holding my head in my hands.

I felt his hand on my head, stroking my hair.

He said nothing. He just sat there. I looked at him.

"Chal aake naashta karle." He said. "Hussain, insha Allah sab theek hojayega." He added, placing his hand on my cheek and left the room.

Shehryaar's p.o.v.

Yeh Hussain ko ho kya gaya hai? Jabse uski Qirat se baat hui hai, ajeeb behave kar raha hai. Aisi kya baat hogayi unki. Aur aaj uski aankhon mein jo tadap, jo khalish thi... yeh maine kabhi pehle toh nahi dekhi. Uski baaton se aisa kyun zaahir horaha hai ke woh Qirat se...nahi Shehryaar, pehle bhi ek dafa aisa sab soch ke us bechari ko dukh mil chuka hai. Hussain is just upset because he has realised that he hurt Qirat. Woh usey dost ki haisiat se bohat chahta hai. Bas is hi baat ka guilt hai usey. Stop over thinking. I told myself and walked to the dining room, still unsatisfied.

Qirat's p.o.v.

I plopped myself on the couch and switched on the tv. I wasnt paying any attention to the tv as my mind was in its own thoughts. Its been 4 days since I met him. He has changed a lot. He seemed different. I couldn't tell if it was because of his mature look or his deeper voice.

Forgive him. A voice from within me spoke. But why? Another voice asked. I was heartbroken; I didnt want to forgive him but I didn't want us to stay like this forever. A part of me wanted us to return to our old selves; how we used to be, joking around. But for that to happen, I need to let go my love for him. Its hard but I need to do that.

Hussain's p.o.v.

Kuch nahi kara jaaraha mujhse. Kahin dil nahi lagraha hai. Kya horaha hai mere saath? I can't understand what am I feeling for her. I want her to be with me; forever and ever.

"I miss you, Qirat." I almost whispered looking at her beautiful, smiling face in my laptop. I remember I'd taken this picture when we'd gone to Karachi for a week. She was so excited because she got to go to the beach after almost 2 years. I remember how she used to always complain about Islamabad not having beaches yet she loved her city so much.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Ya Allah, meri madad kar. I whispered to myself.

I was distracted by my WhatsApp group notification tone. It was unusual because the only group I'm a part of is 'Jaaanoos' that Iqra had created. It consisted of myself, Iqra, Shehry and Qirat. It has had been months since anyone of us has messaged there. I picked up the broken screen phone and my eyes caught the sight of the notification. Message from Qirat @ 'Jaaanoos' it said. I rolled down the notification panel. There were 2 messages from her at the group. I blankly stared at the notification for I don't know how long. I finally opened it.

Qirat: Guys!

Qirat: aaj shaam mere ghar pe barbeque, okay?

There was a new message.

Qirat: ufff, gadhon! Agle do mint mein reply na aaye na, toh mujhse bura koi nahi hoga

I frowned. Isse achanak kya hogaya? I waited for Iqra or Shehry to reply. While I waited I got a private message from her.

Qirat: mujhe tumse baat karni hai. Meet me now at the park.

I knew which park she was talking about. Still confused, I left the house. I decided to walk because the park was quite near to my place. The weather was so calm. I reached the park in about 15 to 20 minutes. I entered it through the gigantic gate and scanned the place. My eyes fell upon her. She was sitting on a bench playing with a little girl. I stood where I was looking at her. She had her fists closed in front of the little girl letting her guess which one had something in it. The girl touched her left hand and she opened it to reveal nothing. She then opened her right revealing a chocolate. She handed the chocolate to the little girl and the girl pecked her cheek. She kissed her cheek in return and the girl ran away. I stood still, smiling at the sight. She looked here and there, probably looking for me. She saw me and smiled. That smile. Ya Allah isko hamesha hasta muskuraata rakh. She walked over to me.

"Let's walk around?" She made it sound like a question.

I nodded and we began walking along the border fence of the park. We walked in complete silence for a few minutes.

"Hussain.." She called my name out, breaking the silence.

"Hm?" I asked, uncertain of what she might say.

"Lets forget November 20 even existed." She said, looking ahead of us. I could never forget that day, or the mistake I made that day.