Ordained by God

Section Twenty - April 1081

Dear Eustace,

I received your letter presently and I believe I am happy. I pray to our Saviour and Saint Margaret, that I am happy and pray that I bare many sons to Lord Roland.  It is too early to know if I am with child but I am late. Pray for my unborn child and me? I miss Winshire-

Eustace stopped reading the letter penned by his sister. “Father,” he called across the great hall from his seat in the corner, away from his father’s political dealings of the day.

Every day, the people of Winshire crept into Winshire Castle to plead with Earl Ivan for various reasons. Mostly, the pleas were of financial nature, work terms or for life bargains. Earl Ivan was said to be a just and fair man who heard each serf with great consideration. But the past few weeks that his daughter had been married, his  temperament was drastically different. He no longer laughed at the minstrel’s tales or drank ale heartily with his men. He slumped in the corners of his chair, ordering people around like canines.

“Eustace, I’m busy.” Earl Ivan waved his hands in the air, a gesture to get ride of his son.

Being the stubborn man that Eustace was did not go away like his father commanded. Instead, he strode to his father’s chair, grabbed the tunic’s neck and pulled Earl Ivan. “I’m going to Eleanor. I’m not asking for your permission; I’m telling you.”

“Do what you please.”

After the six days journey to Ashbourne , Eustace was tired, hungry and ached for the comfort of a bed. 

 Lord Roland greeted Eustace. “Sir Eustace, what is this pleasure for?”

“For the company of my sister,” Eustace replied tartly, scanning the room of Roland’s home. Eustace, against his will and true desires, did not curl his lip at the sight of the manor.

The manor that Roland and Eleanor occupied was miniscule in comparison to Winshire Castle. Tapestries were hung around the walls depicting scenes of Lord Roland being king to his serfs. But they were poorly prepared. The fire was alive in a crumbling heater.  One day, he inherits, Eustace thought, trying to comprehend why his father would arrange to such a horrible marriage when all they did was lose, as it would appear. He must inherit a lot. “Where is she?”

“Out in the village, I believe.”

 Eustace flashed Roland a smile and dashed off into the streets of disorganised homes and shops. After searching for several minutes, he heard the signature sound of Eleanor’s laughter coming from a tavern. He grimaced; that was not like Eleanor. But lately, in all her letters, she seemed too different for his shock to be too strong. Her marriage to Lord Roland was devastating to her; her letters were littered with devastation. He entered the tavern and quickly all his fears were confirmed.

Around Eleanor, a group of men of all ages were hanging on every word that spilled out of her mouth. Eustace didn’t pay attention to the words she was speaking but took the sight of her withering body. In the past two months, her face aged a year or two. Her waist was starting to round. Her hand never drew far away from her stomach, in a protecting fashion. Behind the smile, Eustace knew she was aching.

“You’ve gained weight,” Eustace said from the entrance.

Eleanor turned and calmly said, “If God wills me to get fat for my son, then let it be.” She smiled a real smile upon seeing Eustace. Sliding off the stool she walked to Eustace and embraced him. Much to the other men’s annoyance, Eleanor took Eustace’s arm and lead him outside the tavern, to talk in private. “Wonderful to see you. What’s the occasion?”

“Father sends his blessing. And I send my prayer for a healthy heir.”

“Why are you really here?”

“Because I worry,” Eustace admitted with a sense of mortification. Eleanor always saw through his lies- or half truths.

Eleanor laughed. “There’s nothing to worry about. I am with Roland’s child and we will be happy once he inherits his father’s land.”

She turned away after she finished her sentence. Lord, please help me.  I know I have done wrong but please, please, please help me, she prayed silently hoping that her words were not a lie and the child growing inside her actually was Roland’s.

Eustace nodded his head and dismissing the conversation, asked her about life in Ashbourne .

“Where are you staying?”

Pointing down the road to the inn, Eustace said, “There.”

Eleanor nodded. Tugging the nook of his elbow, she directed him towards the small inn at the end of the road. “Show me to your room,” she demanded and he obliged. Shutting the door behind her, she swallowed dryly.

Eustace sat on his bed. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know if it’s Roland’s child,” Eleanor blurted out softly. “It could be-”

“Clement’s,” Eustace cut her off. He bowed his head and sighed deeply. He clenched his fists and asked, “When?”

Holding down tears, Eleanor told the tale of her night with Clement and Roland’s rape. When she was finished, her cheeks were wet with emotions she had been holding in for months. Every night when Roland went to her bed, she was too afraid to deny him his marriage rights and fall asleep without feeling him inside her. All she desired to do was turn away and weep.

“It’s my fault,” Eustace said with hesitation. “I told him where you had gone. But I never-” he didn’t finish his sentence. He sought to say he never imagined Roland was the type to take anger out that way, but there would be no point in saying words; words were useless. Actions were the ones that mattered.

At night, during the meal Eustace said, “Lord Roland, I ask that you permit me to say here, in Ashbourne, indefinitely.”

 Roland took a bite of his mutton briskly. “Why?” he said through the mouthful of food.

Eustace held back his true feelings about the situation; oblivious to the fact that Roland already knew there was a chance the son was not his. He wanted to say ‘protect my sister from your wrath’, instead he said, “to learn the great ways of the North. Everything is so different here. I want to learn about life here- in this great town.” He smiled, hoping to cover his lie.