Magi: Jaeyria Lightwood

Prequel #2

"They got sick. I'm sorry, Jaeyria. They're gone."

Jaeyria stood stock still, staring into Eiridan Stormblessed's tear-filled violet eyes. How could someone so loving and gentle be the harbinger of such bad news? Her uncle and aunt were dead? They couldn't be.

His eyes filled with sympathy, and she realized she was showing her emotions. Every once and a while they slipped through. She quickly schooled her face back to its neutral expression, then added in a sneer as she said, "You thought it was horrible to tell me that? I barely knew them." Her voice snagged on the last few words, cracking slightly.

Not true... Not true... Not true... You loved them. They were the only two native Oderas who didn't look at you with scorn or indifference. They loved you too.

"You knew them well enough," Eiridan whispered, looking away.

Jaeyria felt the familiar tightening of her throat as tears threatened to flood her eyes. "No." She turned away, a slight tremor running through her body, making her shiver. "No, I didn't."

"She lies to keep herself safe," Eiridan's melodic voice was just barely a whisper, so quiet that no one else would've heard it. Jaeyria froze. "She wears the mask by habit, not by choice, and she does so because she's terrified of herself. Of who she is and being rejected because of it." The younger boy was so quiet that Jaeyria wondered if he knew he was talking out loud.

She slowly turned back to him, astonishment overwhelming her empty expression. "Excuse me?"

"What?" He looked at her with wide, uncertain eyes, and she felt her heart thump louder as guilt sunk in. She shouldn't be yelling at a kid who was so sweet and adorable. The wide eyes almost reminded her of a puppy, pleading with her for mercy and a tiny scrap of food.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You just said..." Jaeyria stopped, trying not to stutter. "You said I lie to keep myself safe... That I..." Again, she paused, softening her voice further. "That I wear masks because I'm terrified of myself and rejection."

"Did I?" Eiridan blinked, frowning, and confusion hazed his warm eyes. "I apologize. I didn't realize I'd spoken aloud."

She stared at him, uncomprehending. For a few long moments, she just stared, frozen and unsure of her next move. Then she forced the mask back over her face and tried to smother the wariness rising inside. "Why on earth would you think that? Say that?"

"You adored them," he mumbled. "I just know y-you did..."

"You don't know me!" she snapped, even more uncertain because she wondered if maybe he did. "You don't."

"No," he agreed. "But I see you. I see what is real and what's not... I just do." Eiridan shrugged, and Jaeyria wondered if he always took the ability to read people for granted.

"We need to talk." She backed away, searching for a more private spot. A corner or empty room. Anything, really. When she found it, she beckoned him toward her. "Come."

He followed, his footsteps light but faltering. Clearly he wasn't sure about this. "Why do we need to talk?"

Jaeyria grabbed his shoulder and slammed him into the wall, wondering as she did so why she would. He didn't deserve to be hurt. Eiridan could be confided in and trusted to keep a secret. Deep down, she knew that. But she couldn't bring herself to allow that. "Eiridan Stormblessed," she hissed. "If you ever talk about what you see in me in front of the others again, I'll... I'll..." she stopped, wondering what it was she'd do. She hadn't thought that far.

"You'll what?" he asked, frowning at her arm. "I'm not planning to do it again. I didn't mean to do it this time. Really, I'm so sorry, Jaeyria."

Tears of frustration and pain filled her eyes, hazing Eiridan's face in her vision. She punched him in the chest, hating herself for letting him make her weak. "Why you?" she murmured brokenly. "Why did you have to be one of us and come here?"

Even through her tears, she saw the unmistakable crumpling of his face as disappointment and pain struck him. His shoulders hunched beneath her fingers, and he refused to meet her gaze. "What's wrong with me?"

"That's just it, Eiridan! There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Those two years in Odera, I watched you," she whispered, searching his face for some spark of anger or disdain. Some sign that he was either flattered or furious with her for spying on him.

None of that registered. Just surprise and then a confused smile. "You did?"

She grabbed a fistful of his loose cotton shirt and pressed closer, her face only inches from him. Embarrassingly, this only distracted her from what she was trying to say. Shaking her head, she forced herself to focus. "Yes. I watched you because you were the one person in Odera who wasn't judging me. Who was my age and didn't shove me away like some kind of leper. Yeah, I was usually busy, and no, I didn't approach you. But I watched. I saw how you loved everybody, and I wondered..." She forced herself to stop before she admitted to him that she'd wondered if he could love her too. If he could care about her more than anyone else ever had. If maybe, just maybe, he could heal her like he healed puppies and kittens he found hurt and abandoned in alleys. She shoved him back against the wall, terrified of her own feelings and pain. "Never mind what I wondered," she snarled, her sorrow making the words even harsher as she stormed off.

Never mind what I wondered. Jaeyria shoved past shocked students and fled to her hiding place, scaling a random tree in a matter of moments. The sobs came then, when no one else could see, shaking her body as she poured out the agony she felt. The anguish of knowing two of the people she loved most were gone. She clung to the branches of the tree she'd climbed, letting the waves of loss and longing batter her long abused heart without a protest.

This was her life. A never ending see-saw of winning and losing against herself. It was a merry-go-round that she couldn't ever disembark from despite every plea for the opportunity to do so. After all, one couldn't escape oneself without dying. And Jaeyria wasn't ready to face that just yet.

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