Magi: Jaeyria Lightwood

Interlude #1

A/N: @jesusfreak202 Here's that love confession you were expecting at the end of Jae's last entry. I was not, in fact, trying to surprise you with that. Originally, I planned to have that entry end with her confession, but it didn't feel right, and when I remembered last minute that I still had the anti-magic grenade, I thought... Hey... I should use that. And that ending seemed much more natural, so I went with it. 

~Ariel Paiement

"What were you doing back there?" Eiridan asked.

"What do you mean?" Jaeyria shot back.

"I mean..." Eiridan sat down on a stump at the edge of the thick jungle. "You were gone way too long... You had to have done something. Did the others give you trouble?"

Jaeyria sighed and plopped down on the grass beside his stump. "Kind of?"

Eiridan glanced at her quizzically. "In other words, you killed them."

She didn't respond, and a blush crept up her cheeks.

"Why?"

"I don't know... I couldn't let them follow us."

"Can they follow us through your portal?"

Silence filled the air as Jaeyria contemplated that. Leaning her head against his side, she stared at the birds perching on the tall stalks of grass and bracken that made up the meadow. He was right, of course. They couldn't follow them through her portal if she didn't want them to. It was part of the portal's makeup. She determined how many would pass through the portal and who. The portal recognized the life force signatures of each person she'd chosen as they passed through. If someone tried to go through without being on the list, the portal would just spit them back out.

"They can't, can they?" he asked quietly, running his fingers through her tangled hair.

Closing her eyes, she said, "No... I'm sorry, Eiri. I just... They're not a threat now."

Sighing, he gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I wish you hadn't, but it's not like we can bring them back. I know they were a threat."

She looked up at him, surprised. "You do?"

He nodded, smiling sadly. "They did try to kill us, after all."

Jaeyria nodded, biting her lip. "Eiri?"

"Hmm?" He went back to playing with her hair.

"I'm sorry..."

He looked down at her, frowning. "For what?"

She got up and sighed. You have to tell him the truth. It's not fair to make him keep waiting. Anyway, you might as well face the fact that he probably already knows, Jae... Your aura tells him pretty much everything he wants or needs to know. The wind brushed over the grass in front of them, setting it swaying. It felt like they were in their own little world. No one could see them or hear them over the breeze and calls of the Pegasi above them. Birds added to the symphony with their own warbling cries. The trees swayed peacefully behind them, and the stream that separated the meadows from the forest gurgled pleasantly. At least the mood was idyllic enough for a confession of this sort.

"Jae, what's wrong?"

Tears flooded her eyes as she thought about how close she came to losing him. "I..."

He stood, pulling her into his arms. "It's okay... We're okay..."

"No... I need to say this, Eiri. I'm sorry for making you wait and refusing to tell you what I feel. I'm sorry for shutting you out even when I knew it was hurting you really badly. If... I mean... I know I'm not good at this..." She stopped, laughing shakily and running a hand through her hair as she pulled away. "Eiridan, you're so kind and forgiving. I don't know how you can love me when I have so many masks. I even wear them around you, but lately, they've been crumbling. You just make me wish I could be myself. No hiding. No masks to stop the pain."

"You can be yourself," he whispered, brushing back a loose strand of her hair. "And I chose to love you even though I knew exactly what you were hiding and suppressing. It wasn't forced on me; I chose it."

"Well, I guess it's about time I stopped running away from myself and what I feel then," she sighed. "You told me that when I figured out what I wanted, you'd be waiting."

"I'm right here," Eiridan murmured.

She tugged him over to a rock by the brook and sat down, pulling him with her. He laughed and settled beside her. The wind tumbled over them, raising ripples in the water and tossing her hair back over her shoulders. For a moment, they were both quiet, soaking in the peacefulness of the scene. It seemed so at odds with the deaths that she'd caused, and the deaths that she knew others were causing. Finally, she worked up the courage to tell him. All of the bottled, suppressed feelings jumbled inside and flooded out with three simple words. "I love you..."

He looked down at the rock and twined their fingers together. "I love you too."

She lifted her fingers to his face, wiping away the tears she found there. "I am so sorry, Eiridan," she whispered. "So, so sorry..." Tears trickled down her cheeks. "You deserve better, especially after everything I put you through."

He shook his head. "You're the one I chose. It doesn't matter if you aren't perfect."

A sob found its way out of her. Why does he have to be so loving and forgiving? How can he still love me when I practically rejected him and made him wait for an answer one way or the other until we both nearly died? I don't understand... And it hurts... It hurts so bad to love him so much and know that it's already too late for us.

Eiridan didn't hesitate. He pulled her into his arms and let her cry like he'd done many times in years past. He rocked gently back and forth, making soothing sounds as she wept. Her fingers clenched tightly, fisting his shirt as she struggled to hold onto her own sanity.

She felt horrible for burdening him with all of her pain, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. People assumed so much about her. They thought they knew. Even Niko and Naven had done that. They'd believed that telling Eiridan the truth would make everything right with the world. What they didn't understand was that telling Eiridan she loved him required her to admit to all of the feelings that went with that. She had to let him in and stop hiding.

Hiding was all she'd known since her parents' deaths. Even before that, in fact. Since she was a little girl, she'd been hiding and lying about her feelings, herself, her real nature. Loving Eiridan and admitting it required her to shatter every barrier that she'd created to shelter herself from the pain roaring inside.

The declaration of love, therefore, wasn't a simple, happy thing. It was deeply rooted in sorrow and angst. But it was a relief. Letting go of her burdens and fears was freeing. She felt lighter than she had in years as she finally stopped crying and just held onto Eiridan. She knew it was a good thing he was the one she loved. He would take care of her in his own, gentle way, and he never judged. He just accepted her and loved her no matter what. After everything she'd been through, she needed that. She needed someone who could handle everything that came with allowing her to be herself.

"I love you," she whispered again, smiling as he hugged her closer.

Somehow, those three words seemed to hold the power to make everything right with her world even when everything was wrong. She supposed that, if she died now, she'd die content with knowing that she both loved and was loved.