Magi: Jaeyria Lightwood

Prequel #5

Jaeyria wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the breaking waves far below. She wished that she could just spit out how she felt about Eiridan. He was trying so hard not to show her how he felt, but she knew. She knew her feelings were unequivocally returned. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She supposed she was just scared. Not so much of rejection but of what he made her feel. She hated that she didn't know what to do with the feelings. There weren't many things that made her feel uncertain or unconfident, but these feelings did.

Yet, when she was around Eiridan, she didn't feel that way at all. Any confusion she had melted. She just enjoyed spending time with him, laughing, and loving him for being who he was. That never seemed to bring her to the point of admitting how she felt because it almost felt like Eiridan already knew. Like she didn't need to state it because it just was.

"What are you thinking about?" Naven's warm voice startled her from her reverie.

She turned to find him and Niko watching her. Niko seemed disinterested in the answer, but curiosity sparkled in Naven's bright eyes.

Her mind couldn't have been working quite like it normally did for her to blurt out what she did. "Eiridan."

Naven raised a brow, and Niko smirked, crossing his arms.

"You don't say? What about?" Niko drawled.

"Uh..." Jaeyria stared at them, feeling the hot blush creeping up her neck. "H-how he's still being bullied?" she squeaked, hating herself for allowing the masks she wore to slip.

Funny how she was becoming more and more comfortable around these two boys. She still wore the masks, but she realized that she wore them less often, and never wore them if Eiridan was with her.

"Eh, wrong answer." Naven pointed at her. "You, my friend, have very obvious problems admitting your feelings. It clearly doesn't matter that our mutual friend has been pining over you for nearly a year. He's been putting himself through every kind of torture by keeping quiet about his feelings so that he wouldn't hurt you."

Niko grunted. "If you care about him at all, you will go back to the camp and tell him the truth."

Jaeyria felt the defensive flames rising in her soul. "No. You don't know anything about me, Nikolai. You don't know how I feel either. So just stop."

"Well, if you won't talk to us, talk to him." Naven waved to Eiridan, who was headed over.

She gritted her teeth. Months back, this same boy was flirting with her, and now he was conspiring to put her with Eiridan. Some friend he was turning out to be! Crossing her arms, she stared at the ground.

"You tell him the truth, Jaeyria," Niko snapped. "Because frankly, I'm tired of seeing my brother upset because you and Eiridan are unhappy." He turned and stalked off.

Naven shrugged. "You know, it really does make me unhappy. I told him you could handle the truth before we came looking for you. If that thick-headed moron doesn't tell you how he feels, I'm going to—"

"She gets the idea, Naven!" Niko yelled. "Come on."

Nodding, Naven turned away and jogged off with a shouted, "Tell him the truth."

Jaeyria sighed in defeat and plopped down on the mossy ground. How do they know? I never said anything, and I can't possibly be that obvious, can I?

Eiridan's soothing voice smoothed over her worries. "Can I sit with you?"

She nodded, refusing to look at him, focusing her gaze on the roiling sea instead. Her feet swung out over the empty air and then hit the cliff face gently. The salty breeze swept over her, inundating her with fresh smells, one of which was Eiridan's faint, pleasant peppermint smell.

"They're pretty insistent that this has gone on long enough, aren't they?"

"This what?" Jaeyria croaked, terrified of facing him and her feelings.

"You avoiding your feelings. Me suppressing mine so that I won't hurt you." Eiridan stared down at the water as he pulled her hand into his. "Jae..."

"Eiri, I'm not ready." Tears filled her eyes as she finally looked at him. "I'm not ready..."

"You are," Eiridan whispered. "You are, Jae. You just don't understand it yet." He wiped away the tears. "And frankly, I'm glad that you are. Because I'm tired of seeing the guilt, pain, confusion, and sorrow swirling about in your aura all the time. Please, for your sake, just be honest about how you feel. If you truly want to just be friends, then fine. But if that's not what you want, tell me what you do want."

She sighed and leaned her forehead against his. "I don't know how to articulate it. I'm afraid, Eiri. I'm terrified of what I feel. What I want."

"I can help you shoulder the load, Jae. But not if you don't let me in." Eiridan pushed back a stray strand of her long hair, tucking it behind her ear. Tenderly, he brushed his lips against hers. "I love you. You probably already know it, but I need to say it. I've loved you for years now. For years, I've kept quiet because I didn't want to hurt you. Because I wanted to see you heal. But I can't heal what you don't want fixed."

Jaeyria pulled away and stood, tears streaming down her face. "I want to be healed, Eiri. Maybe you can do it. But I don't know how to tell you what I want, and I don't know how to open up enough to let the healing begin. What if, by opening up, I only get hurt worse?"

Eiridan stood up too, his own eyes wet. "Jae, you can't live in constant fear of getting hurt. Sometimes it hurts to love someone. But if you don't ever love anyone, you'll complete the process of hardening your heart. It's a lonely, horrible existence. Please, I don't want that for you."

She took a deep breath, swiping furiously at her tears. "I need space, Eiridan. When I figure out what I really want and what to say, I'll come back. I promise. But I'm not ready to face this or you."

He hung his head, pain wracking his usually placid features. "Well," he whispered, his voice floating on the wind like a fragile, dried out leaf. "When you finally figure it out, I'll be waiting."

"I'm sorry, Eiri." Her throat tightened as she choked out the words.

"I know you're not trying to hurt me," he mumbled. "You just need to figure yourself out first."

"I... I..." Jaeyria took a step back, stumbling in her consternation. Finally, rather than embarrassing herself further, she just turned and fled into the woods, needing to escape and figure this out. Sooner rather than later. For her sake and Eiridan's, this needed to be resolved. Niko and Naven had that right, at least.