Blue

Chapter Four: Therapy.

The room could only be described as one word: serene.

The walls were painted a soft brown and the floor was carpetted with a lime green. Sure, there were drastic changes against the two colors, but maybe it was that that made me feel a calm aura. Small palm plants grew either side of a window that showed a small garden filled with a wide variety of flowers and carnations. I would have studied it more closely if it weren't for the head that blocked half the view of it.

Not that I minded, really. To be honest, Mr. Harrison, my therapist, was something a girl wouldn't mind to be blocking their view. He was gorgeous with a blond mass of curls and warm brown eyes. I wasn't one to acknowledge much of the male anatomy, but you couldn't walk past this and simply not admire it.

Breaking out of the reverie I had put myself into, I cast my eyes downward and played with the thread that had frayed off my shirt.

"Do you always do that?" Asked Mr. Harrison, soothingly. He had a sweet voice that was deep and soft.

"Do what?" I murmured, my eyes never leaving the thread that I twisted over and over in my fingers.

"Not meet the eyes of the person who is talking to you." Instantly, I snapped my head up to meet kind, brown ones. I felt color rise to my cheeks and watched his smile widen.

"I'm sorry." I gulped, feeling self-conscious.

"No worries, it's actually a sign of being intimidated, but you have nothing to worry about with me." I detected a slight accent beneath his words and depicted it as Australian.

"Thanks, I guess." I switched my eyes to the garden behind him and stared unblinkingly. A pair of violets that captured my attention with their intense beauty. It's blue petals burned brightly in the sun, reminding me of a pair of orbs.

He was so close... He could have-

"Teal?" Shocked out of my thoughts, I looked at Mr. Harrison. He regarded me with concern as his eyes trailed me. "Are you okay? You're crying."

Tentatively, I raised my hand toward my eyes. They were wet, the eyelashes clinging together.

"Sorry," I replied again, looking down.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. But would you like to share what you were thinking about just a few seconds ago?" He asked softly, no pressure hidden behind underneath his words.

I shook my head 'no' and there was no response given. My interest returned to the short thread and I listened to the quiet atmosphere before it was broken.

"In front of me, I see a broken girl. Say you're a piece of glass. You're cracked and smashed but even the unrepairable can be repaired." Looking back up, I looked into his eyes to see nothing but honesty and trustworthiness. I sucked in a breath.

"Maybe - maybe you shouldn't bother trying." Words played over in my head. Ugly, fat, disgusting. "Maybe instead of fixing me, you should just throw this piece of glass into the recycling, like I deserve."

*~*

"Mom."

I looked up in surprise as my mother strode in with a smile on her face. Now, over the past few days of seeing her always smiling brightly and showing of an exuberant side I had never known existed, I had finally gotten used to it. It had taken a while of course, I mean, I had seen her cold-hearted for my entire life and to finally see her warm and caring, well, it was enough to put me in shock for a few days.

But still, even when there was a sudden drastic change in my mother's personality, it didn't mean that I didn't have a biting intuition that she would drastically change back to her old ways. I wish she didn't though, because each time she walked in here with a light smile that transformed her face and made all her wrinkles vanish, it made my heart lighter.

But instead of wearing her usually light-hearted smile as she walked in, there was a glimmer of pride in her eyes.

"I thought you'd be at work." I commented. It sure did look that way since she still wore a black slacks and a tight white button-up shirt. Her hair was now out and came tumbling just past her shoulders. It made her look slightly younger and less mean.

"I quit." For a fleeting second, I thought she meant she quit looking after me. My heart skipped a beat, before I realised.

"Quit? As in, quit your job?" I frowned.

"Yes, I'll be teaching at a new school. One you'll be moving too."

My heart suddenly dropped and I looked at my mother with wide eyes. She seemed to smile down at me with a look that expected me to be happy.

Which I was anything but.

"I'm moving... schools?" I begged and pleaded in my head that I heard wrong.

"And houses. I think we should start a brand new life." She spoke happily.

"But-" I stammered. "We've lived in that house ever since I was born. I went to that school, planning to finish there as well."

"With the way you're arguing, it makes me think you want to stay there." Mom sat on the edge of my bed, a frown overtaking her face. "I thought you'd be happy."

My heart squeezed and I bit the inside of my cheek. "Mom, It's not that I don't want to move..." Then why did I feel that I didn't want to move? "...It's just that I have all that I need where I am. It makes me feel like whatever the reason I'm at this new highschool for, is the same reason why I'm in hospital." A long stretch of silence made me look up at Mom. "Is it?"

"No." My mother snapped defiantly. "There's no relation to either of them."

"Mom." I sighed. "Moving is pointless without a reason."

"And my reason is you, Teal. It - it may have seemed like the reason I did anything in the past was because of my own benefit, but it was always yours. When I was mean to you, I thought it'd make you stronger. When I pushed you harder and you achieved it, I thought you were proud." Mom's shoulders slumped and I heard self-shame in her voice. "I thought I was doing a great upbringing. You had friends. You smiled. You were never in trouble. But it turned out my judgement was wrong."

Tears spilled from my mothers eyes and I felt my heart hammer in my chest. Did she know that I spent my lunch eating in the bathrooms, sometimes, purposelly not eating at all?

"I thought I was a good parent. I - I was wrong." And as if there was a barricade holding back the tears, it suddenly cracked and a gush of water came through my mothers eyes and she began to sob and cry.

Instead of watching fearfully, I threw off my blanket and blinked at my mother as she held her hand against her mouth. I had never comforted anyone in my life. If I had, it would have been for myself, but after a while, I had believed I had never deserved comforting.

Slowly, as if I was hesitant, I wrapped my arms around my mother. The IV was pulled tight against the underside of my elbow and I winced, but didn't move. I didn't know exactly how hugging went, or how the person was meant to feel, but I put every ounce of reassurance into it, hoping she would feel the vibes I was sending her.

"If you really want to move Mom." I whispered, closing my eyes. "Then that's okay with me."

*~*

Hope that was a little surprise!

The song for this chapter is:

"Lights" by Ellie Goulding

May not really relate to the actual chapter, but I love the song.

I know it's so so so short, but I feel so sick and tired and I had a new idea and I wanted to write it but then I have this headache and...

And I'll stop. (:

That little metaphor (is it a metaphor?) where she says, "maybe I should be tossed into the recycling" was something that someone had actually thought. I almost cried when the person told me about it...

Anyway, again, sorry for the length of this chapter, but I promise to update soon!