Blue

Chapter Seven: Illusions and reality.

Chapter Seven: Illusions and reality.

With all the time spent inside four walls, an irrational fear of going outside had been building.

It may have sounded stupid, but I hadn't seen another person apart from my mother, my therapist and doctor for three weeks, and hearing that in another week, I will be thrusted into school like the helpless little girl I still was, was unnerving.

But before this, my mother expressed her need for shopping and had decided that I had to tag right along with her.

I had questioned her. I mean, my mother for the past weeks had done the shopping for groceries, leaving my locked in my room alone. She hadn't dared let me leave without knowing exactly where I was.

Her answer, though, was vague.

I grumbled under my breath, my eyes scanning the contents hanging in my wardrobe. I singled out the white hoodie and I pulled it off the hanger and slipped it over my shirt. I grabbed the pair of blue jeans and pulled them on before throwing on my converses.

I studied my reflection before looking to my mess of a hair and quickly tying it up. Honestly, I didn't really care what I looked like as long as no one noticed me while I walked beside my mother. I was quite nervous, but I shoved the silly feelings away.

I sat on the bed and waiting. I didn't even bother to try and attempt to open the door because I knew it'd be locked. I sighed. Sometimes, I felt like I was a prisoner in my own house.

As if hearing my thoughts, there was a muffled rustle behind the door before a click resounded. Suddenly, the door opened and there appeared my mother.

Her hair was pinned strictly at the nape of her neck and the navy blue blouse and black pants contrasted against her light skin. She seemed as if she were back to her old ways, and a heavy feeling had begun to settle into the pit of my stomach.

Even the disapproving frown that seized her face as she assessed my outfit reminded me of Ms. Moore, the big bad principal who had everyone (except for Cobalt, it seemed) running in fear.

I didn't know what she was complaining about, though. My outift was everything that was always approved. Almost every part of me was un-exposed and yeah, maybe my hair was a bit messy, but it wasn't like she'd cared about it before.

Now, she looked at it with something akin to disgust.

"Are you ready?" Despite the disguised look she was wearing, her voice betrayed her and displayed slight emotion.

Unease.

She was just as nervous as I was, and it made me wonder why.

*~*

After riding in a dead-silent car for twenty minutes, we had finally arrived.

Unconsiously, I was biting the inside of my cheek and it wasn't until I bit into it too hard and pain exploded that I realized I had let the nerves dominate me. Mr. Harrison had told me a few excersizes to not let stress get the better of me. He had given me a free ball that I had to squeeze when I was under duress of any emotion that could have been harmful. Stress, anger, frustration etc.

But none of those breathing techniques or 'calming balls' as Mr. Harrison liked to put it, could have taken away the nerves that were suddenly zipping around my body in a frenzy.

I blamed all the people.

The children screaming as their mother battled with the car keys and the groceries and the crying baby all with two arms. The girls that laughed, carrying the expensive brands along their hands as they giggled and flipped their hair, walking across the pavement in sync. The boy and girl staring at eachother as they shared a smoothie, smiling and holding hands. Then the other random people, some walking in expensive suits, others looking as dull as my mother.