I Don't Want To Be Your Secret (Josh McClorey & Pete O'Hanlon/The Strypes)

Chapter 8

Estelle's P.O.V.

I've always hated weekends. But they were better than weekdays. Usually Amy and I planned stuff to do in the weekends, which was actually just chilling at one of our places.
But she didn't have time this weekend, so I was spending my Saturday all alone.
Mom was at work and would be having dinner with Amy's mom tonight, work-dinner.

I wasn't sure what Amy's plans for tonight were and I wasn't going to ask. She'd tell me if she wanted me to know.

Around noon I walked downstairs in my pajama shorts and a shirt, not bothering to change into something else.
I plopped down on the couch, grabbed my laptop and watched some YouTube videos.

I texted a bit with Amy and she kept giving me odd answers when I asked her what she was up to.
Oh well, I'll hear it when I hear it. It didn't bother me that much though.

Talk to you later, chick! Love you! Xx Mimi

Ay sure thing, love! Just hope you're okay! ^-^ X Elle

It was already getting a little dark. I've played video games for such a long time that I didn't notice it was almost 6 o'clock.
It had been raining like crazy all day, and I loved being inside with a cup of tea while it rained.
I also noticed that I wasn't hungry at all, but for the sake of recovery I made a grilled cheese sandwich to take my pill with.

Right after I finished my fancy meal, I heard the doorbell ring.
I walked over to the door and opened it, seeing someone I didn't expect to see at all.

"What are you doing here?" I sighed as I looked Pete in the eyes.

"I wanted to check up on you." He said, scratching the back of his head.

"Why?"

He shrugged a little, "Because of what happened to Amy. And I thought you might want to talk to someone about it."

"Nah I'm good." I said, but I didn't close the door. "But you can come in and wait for the weather to clear up. You're soaking wet."

I stepped aside and let Pete in while he said a quick 'thank you'.

I lead him to the living room and quickly ran upstairs to get him a towel.

"Want some tea?" I asked as I awkwardly stood in the doorframe.

"I don't want bother you with that." He said politely.

"It's fine, I'm making some for myself anyways." I said as I gave him a little smile.

"I'll have some then, thanks." He replied as he went back to drying his hair.

A few minutes later I put his mug on a coaster, grabbed my controller and made sure I got to a savepoint before shutting off the console.

"I didn't know you liked that." Pete said as I looked at the screen.

I shrugged, "It's not that I shout it from the rooftops."

The weather became worse than before and it also started thundering.
I had put on the tv, hoping it would make this situation less awkward.
It did. A little bit.

"Is Amy okay now?" Pete asked out of the blue.

"Depends on what you call 'okay'." I replied.

"Haven't you tried helping her?" He carefully added.

"I have." I said. "But I know it's no use."

"Of course it is." Pete said as he scooted over to me. "Why would you think it's not?"

"Because I've been into a similar situation. And I know she needs professional help. But only if she wants that." I replied as I look off to the tv.

"Do you... wanna talk about it?" He carefully asked.

I shrugged, "Sure, I've given it a place. Won't hurt to tell anyone, I guess."

"I've been hospitalised for five weeks, and have gotten lots of therapy months after that." I continued. "I've had severe depression for years, post traumatic stress disorder, an eating disorder and suicide tendencies."

I felt that I wanted to cry, because it all had a huge impact on my life, but I didn't because of Pete.

"Did you also.. you know." Pete mumbled as he pointed at my arms.

I nodded as I showed him my forearm that was covered with scars. "Yup. But I'm clean for over a year now, so that's good."

" Fuck, I'm sorry that has happened to you." He said quietly. "And also to Amy."

"It's fine I guess." I sighed. "I just don't like talking about it with someone other than Amy."

I felt Pete's hand on mine as he spoke. "I understand. And I'll keep it to myself. But if you wanna talk about it we me some time, I'm fine with that."

"Thanks." I smiled a little.

"No problem, I'll take care of you." He said as he leaned in a little.
I knew he was about to kiss me. But the way he spoke that last sentence was just off. Like I was some kind of pathetic girl that needed to be saved.

So I pushed him away. "Don't you dare kissing me in the heat of the moment, because I will punch you in the face again."

"What's wrong?" He asked, both confused and a little pissed off. He had probably never had a girl stop him before.

"Whatever you're trying to achieve with the whole 'I will take care of you' act, it's not going to work." I snapped back as I got up.

"What are you talking about?" He replied as he got up too.

I walked over to the hallway, grabbed his coat and pushed it into his hands.
"Trying to get it on with me after I just told you my story. Because sad girls are easy."

Pete just stood there, looking at me.

"Yeah I heard the stories, I know what your moves are. And I'm glad I noticed on time." I said ad I grabbed something off of the table and pushed it against his chest.

"And this note from 'James' was cute at first, until I knew who it was really from." I continued.

"I'm sorry." Pete quietly said.

I had heard enough.

"Get out." I stated.

He left without looking at me and as soon as the door shut, I started crying.
I knew it was stupid to like him. Why would anyone like a bully. I felt used. I fell for his tricks and there was no one to blame but me.

I walked upstairs, into my room and grabbed a box.
I had promised myself I wouldn't do this anymore. But I had to.
And now I wasn't clean anymore.