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2015 ~ A Year To Remember

I think for many of us, 2015 was the worst year of our life. I know it was for me!

Let's just take a few moments and go all the way back to January of 2015.

January ~ January was one of the best months of 2015 I think. I had friends irl and toooooons of Internet friends. I would do lots of rps that lasted for hours. (Such as an Rp I did while the Super Bowl was on tv!). Those were some of the greatest memories I had. I mean, only back in December of 2014 did I meet the "trio" as I call my three friends.

But when January came to an end, I began to feel something inside of me. It was a burning sensation. I hadn't felt like this in the longest of times, so I tried my best to ignore it while I talked with my Besties.

February ~ February was a pretty cold month last year for where I live. Of course there was no snow, but I still loved it. My birthday came around and I got lots of books for that day. It was glorious. But for some reason, I have this vague memory of getting into a fight with a so called "friend" that day. (It wasn't any of the trio ^.^). Other than that, February was pretty smooth as well. That is, until my father put in an offer on a house.

March ~ As time went on I got used to feeling this strange burning sensation each day. There were only two months left of school, and for some reason, I was feeling very down. I listened to music each day after school as I talked to my Besties. For some reason, whenever I would talk to them, it made me feel happy. I felt alive.

April ~ As April rolled around, I realized what I was feeling each day. It was regret. At times I didn't want to be alive. I wanted to kill myself, but I didn't tell a soul. I didn't want anyone to worry about me. Nothing much happened in April, except for the fact that by the end of it, I was almost done with school.

May ~ In May, things just kept getting worse. My mom was having to have surgery, I had a piano recital, my grandmother was sick, my father was out of town, and I was feeling worse and worse. When I finished school, that's when I just...crashed. Each day I would wake up, thinking I would feel better.

June ~ When June came, I stayed inside pretty much all the time. I rarely went anywhere with my mom (like who would want to help sell the home they lived in since they were born....) I just sat in bed. I talked with my Besties, and after some time, I couldn't handle myself anymore. I told them everything. I told them how I wanted to kill myself....and they are the reason why I am here today. They saved my life.

July ~ In July I knew I was officially depressed. I cut myself, I tried to commit suicide (about three times by choking myself to death) I lost all of my friends except for the trio. They stayed by my side. They helped me get through it, and I know I couldn't have if it wasn't for them.

August ~ In August, my family was packing to move. And at the end of August, we moved. I hated it, but for some reason, I felt relieved. I knew I could start over at this new house. Start over in a way of making memories. Good memories. All I can remember of the old house now, is how I sat in my room all day, each day, waiting for something.

September ~ school •-•
October ~ Same crap. School.
November ~ In November, for Thanksgiving, my family went to Virginia. And since I live in the south, it's pretty hot here. I've always loved the cold. It makes me feel alive. And when we arrived in Virginia, I felt just that. I was able to connect to the Internet and speak a little each day with my Besties. I had the greatest time of my life there, but when my family returned home, I kinda couldn't feel anything. It's like all of my emotions had left me. I could still smile and laugh at things, I just didn't feel the happiness that came from it.

December ~ In December, things went pretty smoothly. I celebrated Christmas with my family, ate tons of food, and played video games.

I've gotten used to the new house now. I love where I live (even though it's hotter here than it was back at my other house) and for the first time in a very long time, I feel alive.