Love and the Sea and Everything in Between

chapter eleven

I'm slipping. I can feel myself growing weaker and weaker as each day passes and I'm helpless to pull myself from the brink of my own destruction. Oblivion feels inevitable.

I skip Wednesday announcements in the Auditorium and am on the roof of the dorms again, cigarette grasped firm between my fingers as though it were a part of me. And I suppose it may as well be. Though, as I inhaled my first drag of the morning, I realized I'd gone almost an entire week without a cigarette.

The smoke fills my lungs now and I feel my entire body grow numb to the world.

Liz texts me: Where are you?

I just shove my phone back into my pocket and take another drag of the death between my fingers.

At least I know that the one thing I am good at is destroying myself. I distance myself from everything and everyone I care about, though there is little in this world that fills those spaces in my heart. My soul yearns for everything that would destroy me and I sit back and let the hunger ravish my mind.

A picture of Liz sitting on the juniper tree at Point Reyes flashes across my mind and I see her smile. I remember our initials carved into the branch and my heart levitates. Because I realize, now, that there's one more thing I am good at.

I'm good at loving you.

I toss my cigarette to the concrete, crush it, and scurry down the ladder. I climb inside Gus and peel out of the school parking lot.

Our adventure is not over yet.

* * *

Classes are over and I know everyone's inside either a) taking a nap, or b) studying. I pace the sidewalk in front of the dorms and send Liz a text.

Me: I'm out front.

Her: Be right out.

A few minutes later, she walks out, wide-eyed when she sees me.

I stand before her, dressed in jeans, a white button-down, a thin black tie, and a black blazer. Pressed between my thumb and my index finger is the stem of a long, crimson rose.

She brings a hand to her mouth and I wish she wouldn't do that because all I want right now is to see her smile. But the smile the smile manages to reach her eyes and every other part of her, but I can't stop looking at her eyes and I'm smiling at her. I move closer until we're only inches away, lifting the rose so that it's between us. The sweet, flowery scent fills the atmosphere between us. My body grows warm and I say, "Do you, Elizabeth Richards, want to go on another adventure with me?"

"More than anything," she whispers, her eyes drawing me in and I want to kiss her. God, I want to kiss her. But I'm afraid.

"Good. Do you have a dress?"

"Yeah, I think so," she says, her brow furrowed in an adorably thin, tight line.

"Perfect. While you go change, I'll try and get Gus to start."

She leaves and I make my way to the old VW van. Gus roars to life on the first try and I thank him aloud.

Liz walks out and I freeze when I see her. She wears a blue dress that frills out around her knees, the color of the twilight sky. When she gets to the van, she stands in front of me and asks, "What do you think?"

"Stunning," I manage to say. "Absolutely stunning."

Grinning, she twirls, the dress spiraling around her legs in a fluid motion. I open the passenger door for her and she steps inside. I give her the rose before slamming the door shut.