Love and the Sea and Everything in Between

chapter nineteen

When I wake, Liz's body is up against mine, fast asleep. Under the blanket, my arm wraps around her back and her head rests on my shoulder. Her breaths are shallow and I can feel the warmth across my bare chest.

The Sunday morning chill casts a thick haze over the windows so I can only see the distorted blue of the sea just a few yards away. I hear it, though, faintly. It whispers through the closed van doors, soothing me back to sleep.

I wake again later as Liz begins to stir. Dazed and seemingly confused, she sits up, wrapping the blanket around herself. I scoot to a sitting position. "Did we...?" she whispers, her eyes wide.

"Yeah. We did."

She loses it, then, and starts to cry and I don't know what to do. I don't know why she's so upset. She buries her face in her hands and I do the only thing I think to do. I pull my clothes back on and hand her clothes to her. I step out of the van and let her get dressed. When she's done I open the door and ask, "What's wrong?"

"Just... take me back to school. Please." She's managed to mostly calm herself, but there's something unfamiliar in her eyes and I can't figure out what it is.

I drive her back to school and the cab of the van is utterly silent. Liz keeps her eyes fixed on the world outside the window, her hands folded neatly in her lap, her hair falling down to cover the side of her face.

I can't see her eyes anymore.

I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what I did.

There's a sharp ache in my chest and I clench my teeth, grinding them against each other until my jaw hurts. My hands tense around the steering wheel, my knuckles white.

As soon as Gus is parked, Liz is out of the van before I have a chance to even unbuckle. I try to follow her, but she disappears into the girl's dorm and I am left standing there in the common area.

The campus is silent. The air is cold. Everyone's asleep, but Liz and I. And Liz is gone and I'm still here. And I'm alone. And I'm confused.

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