seven; (in)humane

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[recap]

You touch the side of his face with a shaking hand and use whatever bit of strength you have left inside of you to communicate one thing.

This is not who you were destined to be.

This is not who you were destined to be.

This is not who you were destined to be.

Kylo's mouth goes dry as the utterance repeats itself inside his mind. Your hand feels soft against his cheek, but after a couple of seconds your arm goes limp and you black out from the pain which is manifesting from the deep lightsaber wound on your thigh. Your head lolls back, but Kylo quickly reaches out his arm, cradling your head in the crook of his elbow. The instant your hand leaves his face, he's left with a peculiar feeling, one he has never, ever, felt in his entire life. 

Now that he knew what it was like to have you touch him, he wanted to feel it again. Needed to feel it again.

He studies your now peaceful face, guilt beginning to form in the pit of his stomach. He shouldn't have left his lightsaber unguarded. He knew you were curious about it, had seen the way you eyed it out of genuine curiosity whenever he carried it around with him. He hesitates before putting his helmet on, your voice still ringing in his head - this is not who you were destined to be. He places his hand on your forehead to make sure you were out cold - your mind is a deceptively peaceful blank state - and sweeps your body up in his arms, his strong stature supporting your weight easily.

He finds himself frequently checking your heartbeat as he walks to the Infirmary, even though he knows the wound wasn't enough to put you in a true critical condition. The walk is a long one, and he meets many of the command base's troops along the way, who after saluting him, look at him walk away with you in his arms with puzzled expressions.

And who's to blame them? This is not typical Kylo Ren behaviour.

The Kylo Ren they knew would never even cast a second glance at someone who was injured at his expense, let alone carry them in his arms across the starship. The Kylo Ren they knew would probably have let you writhe in pain in that training room.

Kylo knows this. He doesn't know what's going on inside his mind. He hadn't even thought twice before picking you up and taking you to Infirmary. This is a big deal, Kylo being nice. It is entirely out of character. Part of him wants to call someone and have them tend to you and your injury, but another part of him doesn't want to let go of you until he's sure you're well taken care of. Until he sees the life back in your eyes.

Reaching the Infirmary, he checks your heartbeat one last time before calling one of the specialists. He reluctantly sets you down on the only bed there. 

"What's wrong with her, sir?" the man asks, showing no emotion.

"Lightsaber wound to the thigh. I think it's pretty obvious," retorts Kylo, getting angrier by the second.

The man, nameless, as Kylo doesn't care to ask him for his name, had never seen Kylo Ren before, and the helmet is intimidating him. He isn't sure this isn't some kind of test, because since when does Kylo Ren walk into the Infirmary with an injured person? Carrying them, no less?

He finds a gauze, the thickest one he could find, and a pair of scissors. "I just need to find this bottle of ointment," he mumbles to himself. Meanwhile, Kylo checks your heartbeat again, only to find it noticeably slowing down. 

"She's not breathing right," he says, careful not to let his voice expose his concern and anxiety. "Yes yes, I just need this ointment, it'll make sure she doesn't get an infection, and may numb the pain-" the man continues, busy rummaging amongst his medical items. Kylo considers placing his hand on your arm, and is shocked that he even thought such a thing. Showing affection - or feeling it, really - is not something he's particularly good at, and it never was something he particularly cared for.

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