Hard Light (NaNoWriMo15)

Chapter 30 - Warnings

For the next three days, Leah could have been wandering the shadows for all the attention she paid to the world around her.

She couldn't bring herself to write down her thoughts, not even when Illiya made a point of opening one in front of her and physically putting the pencil in her hand. Leah made a few half-hearted lines before letting it roll out from her fingers.

"What's wrong with you?" said Illiya, glancing at Leah's untouched food. "I don't understand, Leah. Talk to me!" When Leah just shrugged, Illiya huffed. "Is this because they took you off the expedition team? Leah, because of you, they've found the cure for Lightless! Kieran's tests are coming back better than we ever could have expected, and in a few more days, they're going to announce to the rest of the world what we've accomplished! You're one of the prime members of the cure team--you get to work with Emrys himself! You have Kieran back--the real Kieran, not the parasite-ridden thing that was leading you along befo--wait, is that it?"

"Is what it?"

"Is it because Kieran's different?" said Illiya. "I mean, if you liked the Lightless Kieran and now he's cured, of course he's going to be different, but that doesn't mean--Hey, Leah! Wait!"

Leah left the notebook and her food where they were and walked out of the dining room in silence. Once, her she might have cared about the stares that followed her, but now it was hard to care about anything.

She was a coward. She'd realised that now. A shadow-ridden coward who was too scared and too damned weak to do what she needed to do. The orb still followed her, but these days, it felt more like it was mocking her than anything.

Mark of the Preserver, ha. That was a joke. It was stuck preserving one of the most useless Radiants that had ever lived. Kieran deserved this mark--not her. He would have been able to act. He had acted, before Emrys had caught him. Caught him because of her.

Leah reached her room, curled up on the rumpled covers of her bed, and closed her eyes.

She could just let the situation play out, that much she'd realised. She was on the cure team, where she'd always wanted to be. She could pretend that Kieran wasn't broken. That Emrys hadn't stolen his mind. To the rest of the world, she'd have cured the Lightless. Her theory about the non-existant parasite would die. The Radiants would prosper once again.

Whatever decision she made, the Mark of the Preserver was going to make sure that she lived with that decision.

For a very, very long time.

*+*+*+*

The next day, Illiya dragged Leah to the research lab where she spent six hours watching Kieran drown a little more.

No one else saw it. They saw a Radiant who had been cured. One who was gaining strength and stamina with every day that passed. They marvelled at his control of Light that only blinded her and made her skin sting.

Just like the previous days, Leah wasn't allowed near Kieran. Emrys kept her firmly on the other side of the room, but she wasn't safe from his gaze even there. It killed her each time she was forced to fake a smile, to return Kieran's little waves when he caught her looking at him, all for Emrys's benefit.

Even during her sessions of 'studying' the orb with Emrys, Leah was losing her patience. She spent most of her time with her head laying on her arms, folded on the table. Some part of her paid attention to the questions, vaguely trying to work out what his angle was, but at this point, she wasn't sure she cared. If he couldn't get the Preserver mark off her, he couldn't kill her. He'd Shatter her, bring her under his control as a Slayer.