>>Only Human<<

Louder Than Words

Okay, but the real question is: how long can I drag this story out while still staying relevant to the plot, because I really don't want to end this soon :(

Like, do you guys want 500 chapters of Neo and Kate fluff??? I can produce that!!! Ugh why do fun things have to ennnd??

Also thank you to Thin-Tin-Missy for all your kind words! :D

I sat there in shock, like all the wind had been knocked out of me. I sat there feeling the sting of loss, a pain that couldn't be described. Bit was unplugging me. I found it hard to move, but a scream tore from my mouth.

"TAKE ME BACK!" I croaked, pounding my fists into the chair, the same way one thrashes coming out of a nightmare.

One thought was on my mind, and one alone. My mother was dead. While I never had proof of whether or not the agent fired the gun and actually killed her, this intense, grim feeling encased me, choking me, like cold fingers closing in on my lungs.

I was screaming. Everyone was staring. I felt Coda grab me and steady me, pulling me close to him, and since he was the nearest warm object, I threw my arms around his neck and cried right into his shoulder.

Coda's grip was solid, a confirmation, something to hold on to. Man, this kid was so young. He probably lost so much, just like I did. Just like everyone did.

This kid was seventeen, ripped from his family. How many nights did he stay up crying? Meanwhile, here he is, holding on to someone else, because he knows exactly how that feels.

Coda slid under me, holding me in his lap, cupping my knees up since I couldn't move them myself. We stayed there, as I shouted hoarsely for my mom. Neo was still plugged in, probably getting himself out of there.

It was fifteen minutes until Neo came out, and the violent, shaking sobs had gone. I was still upset, of course, but Neo missed the worst of the freak out.

He came over and cradled me, Coda too. He just threw his arms around the both of us, not making him move. Lord knows how much Coda needed this too.

"I'm sorry," Neo was whispering. I didn't know if that meant she was dead or not; I couldn't bear to ask.

Something cold touched my hand. I don't know how he did it, but Neo was holding my gold chain necklace. My lucky charm. He and Coda clipped it around my neck, and I felt its smooth texture on my chest. It was grounding me when the world was so out of control.

Looking around, everyone shared the same expression. I knew they had kept everything bottled up. Every loss, every disappearance or unknown location of a loved one... they needed this as badly as I did.

Slowly, they migrated. I was still right against Neo's chest, with Coda's chest pressing into my back, with his chin on my shoulder, but Bit was there now, and so was Zeke, drinking, and Stats...

This was for them as much as it was for me, as as soon as I realized that, the cold grip on my lungs lessened just slightly.

***

I sat in my room and didn't talk or eat for the rest of the day, my mind racing. I was alone, and I wanted to be. I hadn't moved in hours since Coda had taken me in. My hand was clenched around my necklace.

Neo quietly came into my little cabin and took a seat.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the floor.

"I know," My voice hardly worked.

He waited for another minute before putting his arm around me.

"I'm so sorry, love,"

Any other time, I would've jumped out of my skin at that one little word, but I knew the context this time. It was a friendly way, a comforting way.

Neo had that look in his eyes again, just like on the first mission, except this was really him, genuine and real and beautiful, and that was actually his heart I was feeling against his ribs as he pulled me in against his body.

I had to wonder what he was hiding behind those big brown eyes, the way he looked at me like I would break if he touched me wrong.

He cupped my face and pulled me toward him for a passionate kiss. His head tilted in just the right way, leaving that usual part in his lips. My own parted in response and my hands found the port on the back of his head.

He gasped when I touched it. I felt him.

It was the first time I kissed him, the real him. This was actually Thomas Anderson, flaws and all. I wanted to find every imperfection on his body and love him all the same, every mole and freckle, every scar and ridge in his skin, and love the things that made him human.

This was flesh and blood, human consciousness, a beating heart, fragile and breakable, unlike how he was in The Matrix with his guard up and methods of protection.

I ran my hands down his arms, over every mark and technical addition to his skin, because he was equal to me now, with the same markings, branding him a pod-grown human like the rest of us.

His hands wandered again, up and down my sides and stomach, sometimes getting brave and going just a little too low, but it felt like he was trying to remember me.

I felt his teeth on my lip, tugging gently on it. His knee was between my legs again, not that I could feel it there.

"Neo," I breathed.

"I'm here,"

Every time Neo would break for air, he would tip his head to the other side, slipping his tongue into my mouth softly, relishing in the wetness. His hand snuck up to my chest, squeezing once. I whimpered softly, and he slid his tongue more into my mouth.

He was holding my hip with a death grip, his other hand memorizing how my chest and stomach felt.

He kissed down my neck, biting and sucking little marks the whole way. My head fell back against the wall, trying my hardest not to make a noise.

"N-Neo,"

"I'm right here,"

He sucked particularly hard and I couldn't stop myself from crying out, hands clenching in his hair, finding that port on his head.

I sucked in a breath, working consciously not to gasp out those three little words that I was too scared to say. I felt like saying it would be final, that it would scare him away, like it would make it official, and if he didn't say it back, I'd be left with the ugly truth of the matter.

Not confessing was my safety, the only wall that Thomas Anderson hadn't knocked down.

This kiss, while romantic, desperate, sloppy, and everything a woman would look for in a kiss, at the same time stood as his apology to me.

It was his way of saying, "listen, I don't have the words to say what I need to, so I'm going to do this instead."

Actions speak way louder than words in this case.

***

We ended on top of each other, my dead legs tangled within his, my head on his chest, just listening to his heart. My face was beet red and hot, my eyes sore and puffy, perfect human imperfections.

Neo's breathing calmed me down. It wasn't a dependence on him, like I couldn't live without him, but it was an anchor in the chaos.

I could've gotten through this without him, but he was able to reign me in and show me peace.

I made sure he was long asleep before I spoke to him, so he had no chance of hearing me.

"I love you,"