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Somewhere on the planet Jakku...

The roar of the explosion still rang in her ears.

Her squadron could only watch with silent horror as she shoved them onto an escape pod just before the explosion.

She only hoped her squadron had made it out as she marched on across the sand. But what more were they than another few people she couldn't save? She would never regret dying so they could live. Even if Fate had a cruel sense of humor to make sure that she always survived. But she would make sure she saved her squadron. Even if she had to fight off the stormtroopers with her bare hands. Over her dead body would the First Order get to them.

She knew her chance of making it was slim. But she would make sure they did. Her life be damned.

If they were going to get her, she would be fighting.
If they were going to torture her, she would regret nothing.
If they were going to kill her, she would not beg for mercy.

But they weren't going to get them.

Deep down, she knew it was always going to end up like this. Even Master Luke had warned her of this. Of her selflessness. Of her nature to be unable to leave any behind. Her nature to be unable to sacrifice anyone but herself.

Knew that Ben, not Kylo Ren, would eventually surrender to the dark side. Even if he didn't her kill that night, not even after when she refused to join him. "I can't." He told her. She understood why, he understood why. They both did. No, It wasn't because of his feelings for her, or that he was afraid of her power. But because they were the opposite ends of the spectrum; light and dark. They completed each other, without them the spectrum would completely crumble. Kill one and the other will perish as well.

She used to hate Ben for it. For abandoning her for control. She did have feelings for Ben on some degree, as Ben did for her. But it wasn't love. It was never what she felt with Poe. But even if she did love Ben. It wouldn't save Ben. Wouldn't redeem Ben. She couldn't save Ben. She wasn't allowed to. Destroy one side and you immediately tip it in it's favor. And she just couldn't let the First Order win.

They did have a truce. But that was before Ben was far too gone. Before he became Kylo Ren and was completely controlled by the dark side. No, Ben was far more sensible than Kylo Ren. Ben, the old Ben wouldn't have even tried to kill her. He knew the costs. But Kylo Ren wouldn't even care.

Here we are now. She laughed bitterly.

Would anything be different if Ben hadn't been seduced to the dark side? If it wasn't her own best friend that was hunting her?

But what if she survived?

What then?

Would she go back to the Resistance? No?

What of Poe then? What would Poe say now? The mighty multi-subjects extraordinaire giving up? Laying her life on the sand that would eventually cover as the seasons would pass? Would it be centuries before the remains of her bones were dug up?

Or would Jakku be destroyed before centuries even passed? Who would have won? The Resistance or the First Order?

The Republic?

Would they even win when the First Order has a Force-sensitive on their side?  A Force-sensitive Leia and Han could, would, never be able kill. Or herself for that matter? One, that perhaps not even Master Luke would be able to defeat. Physically or mentally.

Was Master Luke even alive? She hadn't seen Luke since Ben--no, Kylo Ren killed the rest of the Jedi's. Only she, R2-D2, and the village elder, Lor San Tekka knew where he was.

Bless them. She thought. Give the strength to endure this. Give me strength to face all those I could never save.

Forgive me Poe. And then she closed her eyes.The last thing she saw was a figure in white, telling her they came in peace.

At the Resistance...

Leia paced.

Where were they? They were supposed to return hours ago. Where were they?

Her thoughts were broken when the sound of engine filled their latest base. She shot up, ducked out of the tent and ran up to the ship. Leia was going to give them a good scolding to them when she got them. Especially Leriana.

Leia walked briskly towards the ship. While on the way, she was met by Poe Dameron, her best pilot. "Permission to accompany you to the ship General?" He panted, catching up to Leia from his own tent which was by far some of the tents that were furthest from her own. She nodded, he let loose a grateful breath.

Leia smiled. Young love, how wonderful. But the smile was abruptly taken off her face when she saw the condition of the Resistance members she sent off.

"Where's Leriana?" She demanded.

Jonassen Lin, the co-pilot, dropped his head, while Melika Patel, the medic, burst into sobs. Leia fell to her knees, only to be caught by Poe.

No, no, no. Leia expected the worse. But still she clung to the tiny piece of hope she had left. "Captured?" She asks. Nobody spoke, she got her answer when Melika cried harder. She closed her eyes.

Not her too. Though inside, she knew Leriana was already gone. Leia had felt the disturbance in the force hours ago, though pretended she didn't. Refused to acknowledge it.

Not her too.

Leia had already lost too much.

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