Junk and Other Stories

Beatles and Tiaras

"Right, lads, I'll see you later," George called, heading towards the door.

"Hang on," said John from his slumped position on the couch, "where are you going?"

"Just out," George replied.

"Out where?" John asked sharply. He noticed the blue-eyed baby girl cradled in George's arms. He raised an eyebrow. "Why is Serenity dressed up in all those frills and sparkles, hmm?"

George's cheeks went as red as Serenity's party frock. "No reason."

"Wait a minute. You're not taking her downtown to that stupid pageant for small girls, are you?"

"No! I'm not taking her to a pageant!" George snapped. "Don't call it a pageant, John. It makes it sound like I'm taking her to be looked over like a show pony!"

"Isn't that basically what you're doing?"

"No, I'm not. It's just a contest for pretty little babies like mine." George smiled proudly at his baby daughter, who was sleeping peacefully in his arms. "I think my Reeny has a fair chance of winning!"

"Oh please," John said, rolling his eyes emphatically. "You're tarting up your ten month old baby girl so a bunch of strangers can ogle her and mark her physical appearance."

"Whatever, John," George retorted. "I'm not doing this because I want to. I thought it might be fun for Serenity. It'll give her a chance to meet and play with girls her own age."

John didn't look convinced.

"Also, there's a grand prize of a hundred pounds," said George.

John's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Did you say... a hundred pounds?!"

"Yeah. It might be nice to win a bit of pocket money."

"Can I come with you?"

George's eyebrows knitted together. "No way! You'd just try to steal all of the credit so you'd win all of the prize money!"

"Oh, come on, George," John whined. "You know I love Serenity as much as you do! Please let me enter the contest with you!"

"Sorry, John, but the answer is no." George marched towards the door and laid his free hand on the doorknob. Before he could turn it, he glanced up at John. "If you want to compete in this competition, then find your own little girl instead of sponging off of mine!"

Then he slammed out of the house. John sat in stunned silence for a moment, but soon the little gears in his brain began twisting and turning. He really wanted some extra money - one hundred pounds seemed like a decent amount - but he needed to find some little girl to help him get it.

"Where am I going to find a willing little girl?" John wondered.

"Hey John," said Paul, strolling into the room, "did you use the last of my shower gel? I keep telling you not to use it! It's my special shower gel, not yours! Use your own!"

John was barely listening. He rubbed his hands together gleefully.

"Paul?" he said. "How would you like to earn some cold hard cash?"

* * * *

George had arrived at the "Beautiful Baby" contest and was setting up backstage. He had made sure baby Serenity was clean, clothed and happy. She was now sitting on her father's lap, obliviously chewing on the hem of her dress, while George tied a pretty red ribbon in her blonde wisps.

"Ready to shine, sweetheart?" George asked.

"Ga!" Serenity cried, her little fists flying in the air.