Junk and Other Stories

Mr. Den Mother

John was feeling happier than he had felt in a long time. He finally had the house to himself! No one to complain if he was being too noisy; no one to barge in on him when he was on the toilet; no one badgering him about borrowing something. For the next few hours, John could just lie back and luxuriate.

"Like a proper celebrity," he thought as he dumped several cupfuls of bubble bath into the tub.

John stripped off, put one foot into the steamy water, then lowered himself into the bath. He let the bubbles engulf him. The calming water swished around him, right up to his shoulders. John slid downwards until the bubbles reached his ears. He stayed there, completely motionless, for a long time, and he didn't move until the water became lukewarm.

"Oh well," John sighed, "it was lovely while it lasted."

He wondered about staying put for a few more minutes - no one was going to be home for ages anyway. John's thoughts were rudely interrupted by someone knocking on the front door.

"Who on earth could that be?" John grumbled. He staggered out of the bath, dripping water all over the floor and on the rubber mat. He reached for his dressing gown and tied it around himself.

John ambled out of the bathroom, down the hall and out into the entrance of the house. He opened the door and found himself staring down at two little girls. One had bright red hair and freckled scattered across her nose. The other was blonde with sparkly blue eyes. They grinned up at him, all cute and full of charm. John couldn't help smiling back at them.

He stopped smiling when he saw who was with them.

"George?!" he cried. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Nice to see you too, Johnny," George replied coldly. "Where is everyone?"

"Pauls out with his new slag of a girlfriend, and God knows where Ringo is."

"Ah, perfect," said George, tossing his fringe out of his eyes. "Anyway, if you must know, I'm here because this is also my house and I live here. So if you'll please step aside, I'll just - "

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it," said John. "I know this is your house, Georgie, boy. What I'd like to know is why you're here. You said this morning you weren't going to be here all day!"

"I know what I said, but there was a change of plans," George said. He glanced down at the two small girls, both still present at his feet. He ruffled the blonde girl's silky hair. "Wasn't there, poppet?"

The blonde girl (who was George's six year old daughter, Serenity) nodded. "Yeah, Mrs Lester couldn't do it today, Uncle Johnny. So we have to come here!"

"Here?" John repeated. "What's happening here?"

Serenity looked a bit puzzled at first. She glanced up at George. "You didn't tell him, Daddy?"

"I must have forgotten," George answered airily. 

"Excuse me! I'm still a bit clueless here!" John said rudely. "Why are you here?!"

Serenity giggled, not one bit worried about John's grumpy tone. "Because Mrs Lester couldn't be our den mother today, we couldn't go to her house for our meeting. Daddy said he would be our den mother today, so we came here. Right, Sylvia?"

The redheaded girl (who John guessed was Sylvia) looked down at her feet, suddenly shy. She mumbled something about her 'mummy being sick and not being able to be den mother'. Her eyes had glazed over, like she was ready to start crying. John almost felt sorry for her. 

"So that's why we're here," George said. "Can we come in now?"

"Hold on," said John. "Den mother? You're a den mother?"