"Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly" William says walking around the fire. Dwalin, Bofur, Bifur, Dori, Ori and Nori are tied onto a spit and are roasting on a fire. Thorin, Kili, Fili, Gloin, Bombur, Balin, Oin, Bilbo and I are on the ground in sacks. I can feel Thorin's foot in my back and Oin under my feet forcing me into an uncomfortable position.
"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage," Bert says throwing some herbs on the dwarves over the fire.
"Is this really necessary?" Dori yells out.
"Ooh, that does sound quite nice," William says imagining what it would taste like.
The dwarves continue to yell threats at the trolls, whereas Bilbo and I just sit here in silence, both knowing too well that threats and fighting will do nothing to help our current situation. There is no use trying to get them to let us go, all the trolls want is food "Never mind the seasoning! We ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone!" Tom yells at Bert.
I watch as Bilbo jumps up and begins to hop over to the trolls "Wait! You are making a terrible mistake!" He yells.
"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori yells.
"Half-wits? What does that make us?" Bofur yells with anger.
"Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning" Bilbo mumbles.
"What about the seasoning?" Bert questions, lighting pausing for a second.
"Well, have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!" Bilbo says. Some of the dwarves begin to call Bilbo a traitor, some in the sacks try to kick him. I roll my eyes as I begin to catch onto the game that Bilbo is playing with the trolls, all we need to do is stall for a little longer. I feel a tint of pride fill my heart at Bilbo's smart thinking, then I'm brought back to reality as the dwarves carry on like idiots, obviously not catching on like me.
"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" Tom questions as he spins the spit.
"Shut up, and let the, uh, flurburburrahobbit talk" Bert states leaning in to hear Bilbo's opinion.
"Uh, the t-the secret to cooking dwarf is..." Bilbo pauses to think.
"Yes? Come on" Bert says waiting.
"Yes, It's, uh..." Bilbo pauses again to think "I'm telling you, the secret is...to...skin them first!"
"Tom, get me the filleting knife," Bert says pointing at his knife.
The dwarves begin to shout and yell at Bilbo, yelling threats and insults "If I get you, you little-" Gloin starts before being turned to the other side of the spit.
"I won't forget that!" Dwalin yells pointing at Bilbo.
"What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty of dwarves with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all" Tom says.
"Yeah, your right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy" William says grabbing Bombur and dangling him above his mouth.
"No not that one! H-he's infected!" Bilbo yells. William shrieks throwing Bombur back at us! Kili, Oin and I cough as Bombur lands on us, crushing us under his weight and the force of the throw. I feel some tears in my eyes as I try to force the air back into my lounges.
"You what?" Tom questions.
"Yeah, He's got worms in his...tubes" Bilbo explains trying to seem like he knows what he's talking about "In-in fact they all have, they're infested with parasites. It's a terrible business. I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't" Bilbo says making a disgusted face.
YOU ARE READING
In The End-The Hobbit
Fanfiction'In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take..." Ivy has walked Middle Earth for almost as long as the beginning of the land itself, surviving the world she was thrown into all alone, with no title. She has lived to see battles and wars th...
