Nah Mate, I'm Gay

Chapter 2: Are You Trying to Fuck Me With a Spoon?

"Um, hello?" The guy asked again, thoroughly confused as to why a guy with firetruck-red hair in skin tight leather pants and a matching jacket was standing on his front porch with his mouth wide open.

The guy in question, however, had no control over his gaping mouth at the moment, seeing as he was too busy thinking about how the insanely hot guy standing in front of him could help fill that hole.

"Okay then, thanks for stopping by and um, have a good day..." The guy trailed off, closing the door.

"Wait!" Gerard yelped, stopping the door with his foot. The prospect of not seeing that face for even a second terrifying him into action. "My name's Gerard and I live in the house across the street." He pointed behind him as the guy opened the door once again.

"I'm Frank, it's, uh, nice to meet you." Frank waved slightly, but even that small movement made Gerard's heart flutter.

"So, uh, nice shirt." Gerard smirked, leaning against the doorway. He had finally composed himself enough so that he could actually portray his fuckboy persona accurately.

"Thanks, uh, nice hair?" Frank raised an eyebrow. "How did you even get it that color?"

"Let's just say that my hair is thoroughly dead and that it is passed the point of no return." Gerard laughed, flipping his hair.

"Alright, so if that's it, then..." Frank started to close the door but was once again foiled by Gerard's damn foot.

"I'm supposed to help someone my age that lives here get used to this damn town, so if you could just go get your older brother, that would be lovely." Gerard winked, genuinely expecting Frank to get his older brother.

"I'm an only child, dickwad. I'm just really fucking short." Frank fumed, preparing to slam the door in Gerard's face.

"Oh shit, well then, I guess we should get to know each other." Gerard winked, then started to enter the house, much to Frank's horror.

"Uh, how about no," Frank pushed Gerard out of his house, "And instead you go fuck off with that girl that has been staring at your ass for the entirety of the time that you have been infesting my front porch with the overwhelming amount of fuckboy that you just seem to ooze." And with that Frank slammed the door in Gerard's face, leaving him standing there with a very stupid look on his otherwise flawless face, or that's how Lindsey would put it, anyway.

Speaking of Lindsey, she decided, for fuck knows what reason, to pounce on Gerard's back as soon as that midget kid closed the door.

"Gerard! I've been waiting for you forever!" She squealed, squeezing the life out of him.

"Hello, Lindsey, whatever could have granted me the honor of your presence today?" Gerard went full Ouran High School Host Club on that bitch. I swear, Tamaki would be in tears because of how good it was.

"W-well, I was thinking, that since my parents are gone for the weekend, that you would, maybe like to spend it at my house." Lindsey was still totally flustered from the whole Host Club incident.

"I would run to pack some clothes, but I doubt we'll be putting them to much use." Gerard winked. "I'll go pack some other essentials then." He hurried across the street and started to pack, praying that this weekend will totally prove to, well actually who the fuck knows who Gerard wanted to prove anything to, how totally no homo he is and will always be.

However, one of Gerard's many talents is being completely and totally full of shit.

***

No matter how hard Gerard tried, or in this case, was, he could not get that stupid emo midget out of his mind. Maybe that was a contributing factor to the hard problem, but he didn't want to think about that. In fact, he didn't want to think about anything at all, because for some shitty reason, everything he thought about lead to him thinking about the one thing he didn't want to think about. Cue the stupid emo midget.

That's partly the reason why he's been practically fucking Lindsey non stop for the past two days, because that was really the only time he didn't think about him. And even then he couldn't help but think about how he wanted that to be an asshole instead of a vagina hole.

But alas, he couldn't keep that stupid emo midget out of his fucking head as he made his way home Sunday afternoon, after Lindsey got a call from her parents about how they were five minutes away, causing Lindsey to push Gerard out of her house with only a pair of underwear on. However, she threw his clothes out the door behind him, so not everything in this world was horrible.

As he walked up his street and turned into his driveway, he couldn't help but look across the street at the small yellow house that contained the cause of all his problems. The stupid emo midget.

He groaned, then turned back and continued walking down his street. After a good twenty more minutes of walking he came to the house of his best friend. Gerard knocked on the door, waited five seconds, then pounded on the door nonstop until it opened.

"What the fuck do you want?" Ray demanded.

"I need advice." Gerard muttered, then walked into the house and down the stairs into the basement, aka Ray's bedroom.

"You, Gerard Way, need help?" Ray asked in disbelief.

"Yes, now shut up and listen. We have a new neighbor so my mom told Mikey to tell me to go introduce myself to their son since he's my age and so I crossed the street and this stupid emo midget opened the door. He was hot as fuck, but I needed to talk to someone my age so I asked him where his older brother was and he got pissed because he's an only child and said that he's just really short, then proceeded to slam the door in my face. Then Lindsey jumped on my back and invited me to her house for the weekend since her parents went on vacation. Obviously I accepted, but mainly to get the stupid emo midget off of my mind. That didn't work, however, because no matter how much I fucked her brains out, all I could think about was that stupid emo midget!" Gerard gasped for breath, having talked really fast and with hardly a pause.

"So let me get this straight, well gay, I guess. You have the hots for your neighbor's son, but you're going full on no homo instead of accepting it?" Ray asked, rubbing his temples.

"But I'm not gay!" Gerard whined.

"Are you trying to fuck me with a spoon? Or are you just stupidly oblivious?" Ray stared Gerard dead in the eyes, completely serious.

"What the shit does that even mean? Actually, if it's Frank we're talking about, I'm not particularly against the idea of fucking with a spoon..." Gerard trailed off, deep in thought.

"Okay, I've put up with so much kinky shit from you, Gerard, but I think I have to draw the line at spoon fucking."

"Oh come on, you can't tell me that spoon fucking doesn't spike your interest even a little."

"Oh trust me, I totally can." And it was right then and there, that Ray genuinely considered his life choices, along with which option would hurt more, staying in that room with the piece of shit known as Gerard Way or throwing himself out of a second story window. 

*A/N: Hello my lovelies! Wow I am so sorry that I haven't updated this in forever, but here ya go. I've been focusing on my other fanfics and some one shots. Also acouple of really big AUs that I am super excited for. Anyways, I am having so much fun writing this because I can be totally uncensored because of the way Gerard is in this fanfic ughh I love it so much. Lol and sorry if I get too crude for some of you later on, but I mean, you guys are on the internet so you'll probably see much much worse, if you haven't already. 

Oh, and I know I suck at updating, but hopefully I can update every weekend. I might switch between which fanfic I update, but I will update either this one or Promises (which you should all go check out by the way #shamelessselfpromo). But I don't know for sure, beacuse I have soccer and AP, but I will try my best. Okay well thanks for everything and I love you all lots.

-Zowie