The Heart Mender

Before The Fall.

I've always thought of myself as a level-headed type of gal. I see things as they simply are. A realist. I'm not one to romanticize about things that are unattainable. Until I met him.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself as usual. Let's start from the beginning.
My name is Hailey Baldwin. Yes, I'm an heir to the famous Baldwin brothers. But no, Alec is my uncle. My father is the quirky one, Steven. And yes, I can call him quirky. He's my dad. It's not easy having a famous family. People just assume you're a spoiled brat. Thank God my family has always stayed grounded. But sometimes having a famous family has it's perks.
When my cousin Ireland asked me to go to a Justin Bieber concert with her, my first response was "Why?".
She insisted I give Justin Bieber and his music a try. You see, Ireland is a "Belieber " and I knew I had to go for her. And it helped that she had kick ass seats and backstage passes.
So here I was walking backstage at the Believe Tour. And I have to admit, I was a little annoyed. It was crowded and their were too many people waiting to meet Justin Bieber. We were in a line of about 60 people. All very "VIP" people. I found it unfair. All those poor fans waiting to see Justin, and here I was getting to meet him. I wasn't even a fan.
I obviously knew his music and all.
I knew he recently split from Selena Gomez. But that's about it.
After waiting for over an hour, I told Ireland I was headed for a pee break and took off. I didn't really have to pee. I just needed to walk. I was backstage at a concert and had a all access pass. Why not explore?
At some point I knew I was lost. I definitely wasn't sure which turn led me to that vending machine. But thank God it did. I bought myself a Diet Pepsi and a bag of Doritos and propped my back up against the wall and began to devour the heavenly junk food. That's when I heard it. Silent sobs. The quiet kind. Like when you're trying to hold the tears in, but they keep spilling out kind. I was afraid to peek my head out from next to the vending machine. I didn't want to intrude on this clearly private moment, but my body wouldn't move.
The silent sobs turned into whispers.
The voice was clearly male. And he was talking to himself.
"I can't do this. I can't pretend. I can't do this. I can't pretend."
This mantra went on and then he would sob. The voice was so painful to hear. This person was clearly fighting an inner battle. I wanted to help him,but then another voice appeared.
"Justin, Hey you okay? "
"Uh...yeah...I'm just getting a drink."
"Justin if you're not up to it, I'll cancel the meet and greet. You look spent."
"Scooter, I'm fine. I'll be fine. You know I can't do that. Just give me a minute. I'll meet you there. "
There must have been some silent exchange between them. Because the silent sobs started again and he said one last thing.
"Smile and Pretend. "
And then I heard him walking away.
I peeked my head out and saw his back as he progressed down the hall.
He was wearing a faded blue t-shirt, ripped jeans, and holding a red baseball cap in one hand. The other hand was wiping at his eyes. His hair was a sticking up and disheveled.
Justin Bieber. I just bared witness to a heart broken Justin Bieber.
After recovering from the shock, I somehow managed to find my way back to my cousin. She on the other hand was pissed. After telling her I had gotten lost (leaving out the sobbing Justin ) and begging forgiveness, I was granted a hug and a "Don't do it again loser".
The line began to move. And I began to feel nervous. Not sure how to feel about meeting someone who I secretly watched break down. Do I make eye contact? Do I smile?
Before I could clearly decide my plan of action, they were escorting us behind a black curtain. And there he was. He smiled. I smiled.
Scooter came over and introduced us.
"Justin, this is Ireland and Hailey Baldwin. Remember I told you about them?"
"Oh right, hey girls. What's up? Are you excited for the concert? "
I smiled. He smiled.
I let my cousin talk. I watched. I watched him pretend. I watched him try to survive, knowing he was sad. He shook my hand, and I gave his hand a slight squeeze. Trying to let him know he wasn't alone. He looked at our hands for a brief moment. Like he got it. The rest was a blur.
I sat through the concert really listening. Hearing Justin. His voice was actually really beautiful. I respected his strength to go on. He put on an amazing show. And by the time the last song Believe ended, I knew I had become a Belieber.
Hailey Baldwin was a Belieber.
His music was special. But I knew he was so much more.