The Heart Mender

Chapter 7 Sabatoge: Justin's POV

I'm a fucking asshole. Who does the shit I've done? I sing songs about love and trust, and then I break the hearts of everyone who truly cares for me. I honestly think I just sabotage anything that might be good for myself.
I slept with Selena. Even after all we've put each other through. We always end up back to square one. I both love and hate it. She was once the love of my life. Our relationship was the stuff of fairy tales. There was a time when all I could imagine was marrying her and having babies together. Neither of us is innocent in this game we call love. Losing Selena broke me. At one point, I thought about just leaving this world if I couldn't have her.
Alcohol and drugs helped me escape the pain and numb my heart.
I didn't care that the world thought I was a train wreck, I was too high to notice.
I only cared about what Sel thought of me.
She liked to play mind games with me. She'd text or call, we'd hook up, then she'd go on a talk show and act like I was ancient history. The one person I would die for, slowly killed anything that was left of my heart.
You would think I would walk away. Believe me, I've fucking tried. She's the greatest addiction I've ever known. I can't break it.
I keep thinking she'll change, I'll change. That we can be good together, but I'm only ever left feeling more emotionally empty afterwards.
Meeting Twinkles was my saving grace. She gave me a sense of peace. Having her in my life has been nothing short of a miracle.
Hales and I can just be ridiculously over the top goofy together. She literally is the only human being who can calm my hyper ass down. I never wanted to lose her, so I made a promise to myself that I would always just be her friend. I never wanted a romantic relationship with Hailey. Romance would just turn to losing her.
I fucked up big time. I blurred the lines of friendship with her. I slept with my damn ex and then tried to take advantage of my best friend the next night! I'm no good to anyone. And yet she didn't leave me. She stayed by my side that night and actually comforted me. Who does that? Freaking Hailey Baldwin, that's who. That girl deserves a knight in shining armor. She doesn't deserve the shit I'd put her through.
So after that night,  I began distancing myself from her. We'd text occasionally. Sometimes hang out. But I couldn't look her in the eye. I failed our friendship and I just needed to walk away. Our last text conversation was not pretty. I knew she would never abandon me, so I had to save her from myself.
Read for yourself. You're not going to like it.

Twinkles:
Justin stop ignoring me. You know you're your own worst enemy sometimes. Just come over, we'll order junk food and watch that damn TV show you like.
The one with the nerds who are obsessed with their hot neighbor 😆

Ogre:
Can't. Really trying to finish this album. Maybe another time.

Twinkles:
Ok. I completely understand. You've been working hard and I am sooo freaking excited for you!
Rain check on the junk food and nerd marathon 👍

Ogre:
Look Hailey...I just need some space. Your cool and all,but your always putting yourself into the equation. I'm gonna be busy for a while. I don't want you.

Twinkles:
Are you for real? Your messing with me right? Your my best friend, you know I only want what's good for you. Stop playing with me!

Ogre:
Dammit Hailey. You just don't get it. I don't do friendships. I fuck and move on. Well...except for...well you know.
So unless you want to ride my dick, the train stops here.

Twinkles:
I don't believe you.
I know your heart.
Why are you doing this?

Ogre:
You know nothing. I only became your friend because I wanted to fuck you.
It became a game to me...then I got bored.
Game Over.

Twinkles:
Fuck you Justin!
I wish I never knew you existed!

Ogre:
You don't exist to me anymore.

And then I blocked her number.
I felt sick to my stomach for the lies I told her. I whipped my phone across the room and smashed everything within my reach. I hated myself for breaking her like that. Hated that she put so much trust in me.
I would never have used her like that. NEVER.
I would never just fuck her, I would have made love to her. But then I would have broken her more.
That night I kissed her, I knew then that I loved her.
The moment our lips met, I fucking knew she was IT for me.
But I couldn't ruin her. So I had to make her hate me.
And I succeeded.
I couldn't sleep at night after that. I would wake up in cold sweats. Sometimes I would wake up and go to call her, only to realize that I didn't exist to her anymore.
I tried to stay sober. I completely cut Selena out of my life. I focused all my energy on music. And found myself writing about what could have been.
To the outside world,  I looked on top of the world.
Too bad, I was barely holding on.
I started reverting back to my old ways.
Getting high and drunk in small doses.
Having parties and inviting girls back to my room. Anything to help me forget how I ruined my best friend.
My album launched. Straight to number one. I was in high demand. Everyone loved me again. The tour sold out within days.
I wanted to tell at the top of my lungs, that I'm a fake. I don't deserve any of it. That the one person who helped me make this album, is the person I wiped clean from my life.
I just wanted to call her. To hear her voice.
To beg for her forgiveness.
Instead I drank half a bottle of vodka and called a random hookup.
It was to late to say sorry.
And I had to get used to it.
After all, I'm a fucking asshole.

A/N: Okay don't hate Justin too much! The boy has some flaws, but he's been broken for so long that he doesn't know how to let himself be loved.
He is going through some shit man.
And yessss, in my alternate reality,  Justin wrote Sorry for Hales.
He could never truly in his heart stop thinking about her.
Boy needs some growing up. We shall see😬🤔🙏