Her Most Valuable Possession (Law & Order SVU)

To Forget You

A/N: So this chapter may require a Kleenex...

Chapter Four
Olivia woke up with Evan still in her arms. She kissed her head and leaned over to check the cuts on her arm. The tears were flowing just from the sight of the red angry marks and the scars that marked her baby's olive skin. After letting herself stare at the cuts and take it all in she wiped her tears and decided it was time to wake Evan up. She shook her shoulder lightly. "Wake up little one." She said.

Evan stretched and nuzzled further against Olivia. "Do I have to?" She muttered.

"Yes, we have to have a talk." Olivia said.

Evan sat up when she realized her sleeve was rolled down and her Mother was holding onto her wrist. She never expected to get caught after a year and she didn't know what to say. She pulled her hand free and held both her hands into her lap.

Olivia sat up and moved to sit beside her. "How long have you been cutting yourself sweetheart?" She asked.

"A year." Evan mumbled.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"I said a year!" Evan yelled.

Olivia felt like she wanted to throw up, grab her daughter and just shake her her and pull her into her arms and never let her go all at once. "Why?" She asked. It was the only thing that would come out of her mouth.

"Because..." Evan said.

"Because? Because?!" Olivia shot off the bed and began to pace the floor. She had to pinch the bridge of her nose before she really lost it. "Your attitude towards me and your actions today have been unacceptable young lady!" She said, raising her voice.

"Whatever." Evan said.

"Whatever?! You got suspended for two weeks Evan! You cussed at me and you got in a fight! You do not behave like this!" Olivia was seconds away from losing it.

Evan scoffed. She knew she was pushing it but she was pissed off too. "You would have to actually be around to know how I behave!" She yelled. She shot off the bed and stormed into her bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind her. She leaned against the door and slid down until she was on the tiled floor.

Olivia had to count to ten. She had to count to ten or she was going to rip the door off the hinges and wring her daughters neck. Of course she wouldn't actually do that but that's how she felt. And she had never laid a hand on Evan her whole life. So, she counted to ten and took a deep breath. "Evan, come out here, please." She said.

Evan almost told her Mother to go fuck herself, but she thought better of it. She took a breath before standing up and unlocking the door. She swung the door open and stood in the frame.

"Come here." Olivia said.

Evan slowly left the safety of her bathroom until she was standing within arms reach of Olivia.

"I need you to talk to me." Olivia said reaching for Evan's hands. "I need you to help me understand why you're cutting and why you're acting like this."

"Do you remember last year when you had to work around the clock during that sex trafficking case?" Evan asked.

Olivia pursed her lips and nodded.

"You were supposed to come home early, you missed my birthday..." Evan said softly.

"Baby, I said I was sorry." Olivia said. Evan's birthdays were so special to her she had always made them a big deal because Evan was her little miracle.

"I know but you never missed my birthday before and that was the first time I felt like your job was more important than me...so after you text and told me not to wait up and to order some dinner, I hopped in the shower. I was shaving my legs and I nicked myself, but then I just watched the blood ooze out and spill over, I was in a trance. I forgot how sad I was that you missed my birthday. And after that I started cutting almost everyday. And the more time you spent at work the more times I cut because you weren't here and when I was cutting I forgot how much I hated your job. Then I started cutting for everything else." Evan said.

Olivia's heart was broken. She didn't understand how she could miss how much more time she had been spending at work. She kneeled down in front of Evan and looked up at her. "Honey, I'm so sorry. You're my number one. What can I do? Do you want me to quit? I'll give it up right now!" She said.

"You can't quit. Your job is important and you're good at it." Evan said with a small smile.

"You're my number one." Olivia said. "We're going to get through this."

"I guess." Evan said.

"You guess?" Olivia said standing to her feet and looking down at her child.

"You didn't come home last night either and you didn't even call or text me." Evan said looking at the carpet.

Olivia pulled her into her arms. "I'm sorry baby girl."

"It's OK Mom." Evan said hugging her Mom back.

"You're grounded for the next two weeks. No Tv, no friends and no going anywhere but home and the station. We're going to be spending a lot of time together. " Olivia said.

"I guess that's fair." Evan said with a sigh. Now that her Mother knew about her cutting she didn't know what to expect. And she also knew she didn't want to stop. She couldn't.

"What are you thinking about?" Olivia asked.

"Are you gonna make me stop?" Evan asked.

"I...I want to but I know it would only make things worse. But I will be checking your arms and I want you to give me everything you're cutting with and if you feel like cutting, I want you to talk to me." Olivia said.

Evan nodded, she was already forming a plan. "Ok." She simply said.