Her Most Valuable Possession (Law & Order SVU)

What Justice?

A/N: Sorry I've been away for so long! As always chapters are triggering until they aren't.
Lex

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Olivia shouts into the receiver. She reaches her boiling point with Barba's final words and pressed harshly on the end button.

Evan came stumbling out of her room with bed head and dried drool on her face to see what her Mom was shouting about. "Wha happen?" She asked half asleep.

"Good morning baby girl." Olivia said.

"Why were you yelling?" Evan asked again.

Olivia sighed. "Come sit on the couch." She said quietly. She held her hand out and smiled when Evan took it.

"Are you gonna tell me why you were yelling?" Evan asked.

"That was Barba. He says that Lowell asked for a deal." Olivia says slowly.

"What k-kind of deal?" Evan asks. Just hearing the mans name sent her heart racing almost painfully in her chest.

"If he pleads guilty he doesn't want the death sentence." Olivia snarled.

"Can they do that?!" Evan asked. "You put him away once already!"

"I know baby. I know. The system sucks. They are willing to wave the death sentence, just to wrap your case up." Olivia said.

"This is bullshit! Basically he's getting away for raping me!" Evan shouted. She punched the arm of the couch. "What kind of justice is this?!"

"I know honey." Olivia said soothingly. She looked Evan over and saw a dark wet spot on the thigh of her sweat pants. "Evan...what...have you been cutting?"

Evan's eyes bulged. 'Fuck!' She thought. "No..." She lied. Unconvincingly of course.

"Let me see." Olivia said.

"No!" Evan said. She stood up and stomped her foot.

"Let me see." Olivia said standing up as well.

"Go to hell! I ain't dropping my pants!" Evan snapped. She was more angry at herself for losing control and cutting so deeply.

"Evan Sophia Benson! Enough!" Olivia said. "I need to see to make sure you don't need stitches. I will look where I need to." With that she stepped forward and pulled Evan's sweats down. She gasped when she saw the gashes on her baby's thighs.

Evan wrapped her arms around herself and started crying. "I'm sorry Mom." She mumbled.

"Evan..." Olivia's voice broke. She felt so helpless. Her child was falling apart. She had to do something! She gently pushed her daughter onto the couch while she went to go fetch the first aid kit. When she came back out of her bedroom with the first aid kit in her hand, she started cleaning the cuts, applying ointment and bandages. She just decided silence was the best option. She was angry. Angry for what happened to her little girl. Angry that virtually nothing was being done about it. Angry that her daughter was doing this to her body.

Evan watched as her Mom patched her up and bit her lip. She had never seen her Mom like this. And she was trying to keep the images of Lowell's hands on her body out of her mind. She knew her Mom would never hurt her. She cleared her throat to get her Mom's attention, "Mom?"

"You have a therapy session tomorrow morning." Olivia said standing up and gathering the wrappers and scraps. She turned on her heel and headed for the kitchen.

Evan pulled up her sweats and followed her Mom into the kitchen. She leaned against the door way and shoved her hands into her pockets after putting her hair into a messy bun. "Mom? Will you look at me?" She asked timidly.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Olivia asked. She started opening up cabinets and pulling down ingredients for waffles. "Could you get the waffle maker out?" She said.

"Can you look at me please?!" Evan shouted.

Olivia looked at Evan and tears immediately filled her eyes. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm just so, so angry. First because of what happened to you. Then because nothing is being done. And finally because you're doing this thing to yourself!"

Evan threw her arms around her Mom. "I'm sorry Mommy! It's my fault! I should have paid more attention!" She cried.

Olivia gently pulled Evan away from her so she could look her in the eye. "What happened to you wasn't your fault." She said sternly. "No matter what he told you. It was NOT your fault. Do you hear me?"

Evan nodded. She didn't know what else to say.

"I hope your little hunger strike is over because you're not getting up from the table until you eat at least two waffles." Olivia said trying to lighten the mood.

Evan started to freak out. Couldn't her Mom see how fat she was? She had to think of something fast. "I'm not hungry!" She said.

"Evan...no...just no. It's been days. You need to eat something." Olivia said. She was putting her foot down because it wasn't healthy. She wasn't going to let her child starve to death on top of everything else.

"Fine." Evan grumbled. She sat at the table and crossed her arms and pouted like a five year old would. She ate two waffles. Even though the whole time she felt like she was going to throw up. Then she escaped to her room and pulled out her laptop to look up ways to lose weight. She typed 'easy weightloss' into the search bar and all sorts of things popped up from diet pills to low carb. None of which caught her interest. She was just about to give up when she found a site, little did she know how much of an impact this site would have on her life. She clicked the link, created a username and posted her first thread.

'My Mom just made me eat two waffles. What do I do?'

Within two minutes she had a reply.

'If you have just eaten them and drank a lot of liquids you could throw them up :)'

Evan wasn't expecting this sort of help. Yet, she hadn't realized what kind of site she had stumbled onto.

'I've never thrown up before...'

'It's easy, you just bend over the toilet and stick your fingers down your throat.'

'I just need to lose weight...'

'You can eat whatever you want and lose weight this way :)'

Evan signed off and stepped into her bathroom. She stood in front of her toilet, staring into the bowl contemplating if she really should do this. It didn't take much to convince her when Lowell's words came back to the front and center of her thoughts. 'Fuck it!' She thought. She bent over and stuck her fingers to the back of her throat. She gagged, choked and coughed at first. And absolutely nothing came out. She decided to try again and some of the waffles came up. She did it again and again and finally she was empty. She flushed the toilet and swished some mouthwash around in her mouth. Her heart was racing and she felt all floaty. She liked the feeling. She couldn't wait to do it again.