Lost In Love (vol. 1)

Hanging In The Balance

"I am the white dove for a soldier
Ever marching as to war
I would give my life to save you
I stand guarding at your door
I give you all that I am."

- All That I Am, ROB THOMAS

Promise me you'll help her make the right choice, Dr. Stolsig. If I'm not coming back, and you know I'm not coming back...don't let her hold on. Help her understand that she needs to let me go. Help them both understand.

But how the hell was he to do that? He'd seen the barely contained rage in the young man, wanting to knock Greyson's head off. And it would have been warranted. To come in there, at that moment, and talk about what it would cost to keep Kyle alive. Greyson had nearly vomited, the words had tasted so bad. But the hospital had been pushing to secure a source of payment from Janice, what with the extreme expense of Kyle's treatment. They'd had their financial liaison all lined up to discuss the financial obligations with Janice. Someone who had never even met Kyle, who would feel nothing either way whether Kyle lived or died. Greyson had seen the light, the life in Kyle. He had spoken with the boy, even heard him laugh when recounting some of the 'adventures' Nate had dragged him away on. He'd watched his eyes light up when he simply spoke Nate's name.

And there at the last, he'd watched the boy cry for the lost opportunity to confess his love to the one man who meant most to him. Kyle had known he wasn't coming out of the operation, though Greyson had tried so hard to give him hope. And Greyson had done everything in his power to bring about that miracle. In saving Kyle's life, maybe somehow find redemption for the neglect that had caused Ian's his. But there had been no miracle. As desperately as Kyle had wanted to live...the trauma of brain surgery had been too much for even a heart as powerful as his.

Yet even in giving up...his heart had just stopped; it hadn't been damaged. Just quit. Greyson had studied the tests, stared at the x-rays, and wondered how a heart still so perfectly put together...could just stop working. Even he wanted to grab hold of hope and believe the impossible. He hadn't wanted to be the one to tell Janice to let go, to make her feel like there was a price tag on her son's life. But if he hadn't been the one to speak with her...the appointed liaison would have. Greyson had opted to be the one, because Janice deserved to be spoken to by someone who actually gave a fuck – even if the young man at her side hadn't believed it.

Why the fuck did you tell Janice to cut him loose?

That was Nate Westfall's question. And he deserved an answer. A real answer – not some bullshit automated response they taught in medical school. And Nate was no fool; he would quickly distinguish sincerity from bullshit. And should Greyson attempt to feed the guy a load of shit, he suspected it might be knocked back down his throat, along with a few of his teeth. This was not a young man in the mood for games. He wanted answers and he wanted them right fucking now. That much was evident in his piercing eyes.

"I merely suggested...she consider honoring Kyle's wishes." he said quietly. His throat tightened as the lackluster answer seeped out. He wasn't appeasing Nate Westfall. The muscles running up his arms flexed and strained as the weight of his body leaned on his hands and his eyes burned into Greyson with scalding heat.

"But if you believe he could wake up and be okay-"

"I didn't say I believed he could...or would...wake up." Greyson corrected. "I said if he woke up...it was my medical opinion his heart would work fine."

The young man jerked away from the desk and scraped his fingers through his hair, agitated. His face pinched and eyes shimmered. "I don't understand what you're implying." he said tightly. "If his heart isn't damaged...why the fuck isn't it working? Why isn't it beating on its own? Why can't you fucking do something?"