Lost In Love (vol. 1)

Good Night, Sweet Prince

"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you."

* * *

"I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is, then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

* * *

Help me, Lord, 'cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why, I wonder if I'll ever know

But even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

'Cause I'm still here, so far away from home.

* * *

- Homesick, MERCY ME

____________________________

"Is that too tight?"

The tie pressed against his throat and made it hard to swallow past the thick lump balling up, but he shook his head. "No." he whispered. His eyes stung and he blinked back the tears, but they lingered right there, ready to slip free.

Her hands smoothed down the jacket of his black suit, and trembled as she straightened it unnecessarily. "You look so handsome." Emotion strained her words. Her eyes lifted and glistened as she touched his face with affection. "I think he would be happy that you dressed up so nice."

His lips pressed tight together. Tears pooled heavily. "It should be me in there."

"No." Greyson stepped close and wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tight. "This is how it's meant to be." He cleared his throat, then whispered, "We have to have faith and trust those we love to God...even if we don't understand why he sometimes takes them from us." He drew back and wiped his eyes. "We can't just have faith when things are good."

"We should go in." Janice said quietly. She seemed about to lose her composure. Greyson slid his arm around her shoulder, comforting her. "The service is about to start."

Greyson walked her towards the door to the sanctuary, then paused and looked back. "Are you coming?" he asked quiet. His eyes were wet, and glimmered with a fresh pool of tears.

He licked his lips then nodded slowly. "In a minute." He whispered. "I just...I need a second."

"Of course." Sympathy swam in Greyson's eyes. He walked Janice inside.

How can I stand up there before everyone and talk about him? Tears burned and he rubbed his eyes. What would he say? So many things he wanted to say...but would the words even come out? His throat felt like a vice, squeezing tighter and tighter. Would there be those in the pews watching him, thinking it should be him in the casket?

Why did one get to live...and not the other? Where was the fairness in that?

Tears slid slowly down his face. His hands shook as he stared down at them, the piece of paper clutched in his trembling fingers. He'd written it all down, what was in his heart, everything he wanted to say, everything that deserved to be said. But it was all a blur through his tears. He could barely see the paper, much less the words written on it.