Tough Girl

4: Giving you an out

I slowly and quietly climbed out of bed, throwing on a sweatshirt and changing into a pair of my warm leggings. After quickly pulling my hair back, I assessed how I would get out. The front door, back door, or my window. I frown.

I felt like my parents would be downstairs. That rules out the front door. Sneaking out to get to the back door was risky if they were anywhere besides the family room, so that idea's basically out the window. Which leaves me with one thing and exactly that; the window.

Picking up my satchel, I pack some crackers I keep up here, a flashlight, my phone, a couple batteries, and some water. Then I quietly move towards the window, my feet light on my carpet as I sit on the window seat and unlock the latches. It's a new window, and they unhatch with a quiet pop. I smile. So far, so good. I try my best to pry the window open without making too many squeaking sounds. To my relief, only one can be heard, and it is very unlikely anyone could have heard it but me. I pop the screen out and slide onto the roof of the porch without the slightest hesitation. I slowly push myself to the end of the roof and jump, tucking and rolling as I hit the ground softly. A breath of relief escapes me as I dart to the woods without being seen.

I walk for a little while until I deem it safe to turn on the flashlight. However, after turning on the blinding light, I decide I like it better in the dark. Much better. Coming to a slow, I take up residence next to a tree, starting at the sky with my knees tucked under my chin. They are so clear, and sparkly, and... breathtaking.
It reminded me of better times that are so far in my past. But yet they are perfect, sitting untouched by the darkness in my life. I realize it is just like the night sky. My memories are the stars. They stand out from the darkness, untouched, in peaceful solitude. Even though the darkness seeps in from all angles, the stars do not give in; the memories do not crumble. If anything, they shine brighter. When I feel the wetness on my cheeks, I wipe it off. I am crying. But the tears just flow from me and I don't stop it. Instead I cry out.

For who or what, to me is a mystery. For my mom. For the suffering and the fights. For the condition and the reminder everyday, every memory. Maybe, for all of it. Maybe, just for me.
Because I'm not tough.

I'm a falsely strong, stubborn, broken, trapped, girl. And I don't know what to do. Where to go, what to say, how to act, who to trust or love or associate myself with... I let out a loud cry. I realize this to be a mistake the second I hear feet on the first trail.

"Hello?" A male voice calls. "Is anyone there?" I hold my breath, trying to control my wracking sobs. I stand up slowly, back against the tree. That's when I spot two figures in the dark.

One of them turns on what I'm guessing to be a flashlight. My fingers cross and I hope they won't shine it on me. But they do. I stand perfectly still, like a deer caught in headlights. One of them glances at the other and I take the opportunity. I run with everything in me, clinging to my satchel as I dodge a branch. Footsteps pounded behind me.

"Hey, wait up! We won't hurt you!" I frown and run faster. I try every twist and turn I can think of to throw them off my trail. But nothing was working, and my muscles were tired and sore. I can tell that the two young boys, most likely my age, were catching up to me. I wouldn't let them. I couldn't. But I was involuntarily slowing down. I mentally reprimanded myself as I rounded another bend. And in my stupidity, I tripped over a branch and fell. I let out a short whimper and ignored the tears that threatened.

"Oh my gosh...." One of the boys says, moving closer to me. He has brown hair, emerald eyes, and black rimmed glasses. My eyes widen as I take in the boy next to him. It's Luke. I stand up and back away slowly. "Sang stop." Luke breaths out. I don't stop, but rather shake my head. He can probably see my dried tears and the bruise on my cheek from my Andrew. This would ruin everything. And here I thought Luke and I would be friends.
I want to run but that thought drains the last of my energy and I turn away from them and fall to my knees. I bury my face in my hands. My hair falls around my shoulders and I don't remember the ponytail falling out- it probably fell out sometime during the run here. I flinch as I feel someone's arms around me.

"Sang, don't cry." I realize that Luke is hugging me. I tense and sniff. "I don't want your sympathy. I understand that you think I'm a loser because you found me crying in a forest in the middle of the night." "I don't think that-" He starts but I cut him off. "You don't have to lie, Luke. I'm also guessing you want to completely avoid me at school and stuff now? That's cool with me. I'm used to it." "Sang, that's not what-" "Luke, look. I'm giving you an out just take it please?"

"No Sang, because it's not true. I want to be your friend. In all honesty, I do whether you believe it or not. I'm not going to avoid you and guess what. I'm a loser too, even though I don't think you are. So please, let me and Kota take you to his house and talk, for a little bit. Please?" He asks. I bite my lip. He sounds sincere. But where else would I go? No where, probably. And so, to his relief, I take his offer.