Tough Girl

23: Our Goodbye

Abracadabra, diddily doo! Another update, have I for you. :D Yes, I can rhyme.

Also, just a heads up. You might want to have tissues in reach while reading this chapter. Dedicated to SiddyKnowsBest, because you are one of my most kindest, supportive, particiapant, amazingly fantastic fans. Thanks so much! Enjoy!!! :)

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It was about two in the morning when Kota shook me awake, his long fingers grasping my shoulder. It was completely dark outside and inside my room, besides a light from my bathroom nightlight. I groaned, sitting up. Why so early?

"Sang," Kota whispers. A sigh and some kind of 'mmhmm' escapes my lips. "There's someone at the door for you."

I rub the sleep out of my eyes. "There is? So early?" Kota nods, and I'm starting to wake up. "Is it an axe murderer?"

"No, I don't think so," he muses.

"Ok," I say. "Let's go see then. As long as nobody dies."

Kota nods and helps me off the floor. I flick on the light at the top of the stairs and let Kota go down first. Just in case whoever was out decided to let themselves in. However, there was another knock on the door.

"Do you want me to open it?" Kota asks, no doubt sensing my fear. I nod with a blush dusting my cheeks. I really hope Kota was right when he said it wasn't an axe murderer.

I flicked on the porch light for him. He opened the door just a crack and I hid behind him. One of his hands reach back and I put mine in it. He squeezes it gently. Who was it?

"Um...Hi," a female voice says on the other side of the door.

"Hi," Kota says. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, yes, actually." The now shaky voice pauses for a moment. "Kota, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm Marie. I live here? I'm looking for my sister, Sang. I need to talk to her. Is she here?"

I move and let Kota open the door wider. She stands in the porch in a faded band t shirt, a pair of black skinny jeans, and some faded converse. Her hair is a little tangly but she looks tired. I step out and pull her to me in a tight hug that my dad used to give to me.

"Marie," I whisper. "Where have you been?"

"With a friend," she whispers back. "Can we go inside? I really would like to speak with you. It's important."

I nod. She joins me in the living room. Kota sets off to the kitchen to make hot chocolate, leaving us alone. She takes my hands as we sit on the couch together.

"I'm sorry I've been away so long. I know I've missed quite a bit. I just needed to get out, you know? Sometimes you need to escape."

I nod, remembering the night I snuck out my window. All I needed was that fresh breath of air. Just to get away and stir up all the memories and all the things you used to think of. How it was before and how it had been instead of worrying how it will be. I understood.

"Well, you see..." Marie started. "I met this really cool girl. I just kind of vented to her at the park and she offered to let me stay at her house. I met her parents. They're so nice, nothing like I've ever known here." Marie smiles sadly. "They're travelers. They like to travel to lots of different places, all over the world. It turns out they've only been here for a couple weeks, actually."

She continues on about these strangers who took her in while she was missing from here, Kota handing us hot chocolate and going back upstairs. Her eyes are a kaleidoscope of emotions, swirling with excitement and then saddening with pain. Her hands which have become a brighter tan than I remember, tighten and loosen around my own.

"Sang," she finally breathes. "I want to go with them."

My eyes widen. "What?"

"I want to run away. To be free. You understand, don't you? You of all people should understand what it's like to be caught. Stuck. Like all you can do is nothing. I want to do something, Sang!" Her hands grip mine tightly, her eyes wild with emotion.

"I...I..I don't know," I manage to stutter out. She wants to run away? With those strangers?

"Don't you see? I've always wanted parents like what you had!" Had. I flinch and she continues. "I have them now. They're family. Don't you get that?"

"I know," I say. My lip beginning to tremble. "I just don't want to lose another family member. You're all I've got left. You can't leave..."

Marie frowns and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry. We could still call, text. I would send you post cards with little smiley faces and notes. Letters. I promise."

I sniff against her shirt. I know this is what makes her happy, so why can't I let her go? It's not my choice whether she stays here or not. She's the only one that gets to choose. But why can't I support her?

"This is my chance to show you I love you. That I support you, through everything. But I don't want to let you go," I whisper against her shirt.

"I don't have a doubt that you love me. I can tell by how much you want me to stay. And for crying out loud, I love you too. I love you so much. We never said it enough, did we?"

"No," I sob against her shirt. Was this goodbye? Could she keep her promise? Would I ever see her again?
I held onto her tighter, as tight as I could. Maybe if I held on tight enough, I could hold onto her forever, and she'd never leave me even after she was long gone.

"I'm not ready," I cry. She starts to shake against me and I know she's crying now, too.

"It's not forever. Just until we can come back and visit you again, okay?" She says, trying to calm herself down.

"I love you," I try to say.

We sit on the couch hugging and crying and laughing for the next hour.
We recall memories, all the good ones we can think of, and pick them apart piece by piece. Passing the time until she says she really needs to go now. She holds onto me so tightly that I can't breathe, but that's okay. I need this hug.

This is our goodbye.

We hold each other for a few minutes. Neither of us want to say goodbye. She pulls away to look at me. We are both sobbing messes. Our eyes are red and our noses are runny.

When we smile we taste salt and when we hug we say I love you over and over again. She starts crying again and so I start, too.

Even though she kinda fades into the background in my life, I love her so much. Sure, we're not blood related or DNA linked, but our hearts are linked forever. She means more to me than I realize.

It's hurts so much and it's so hard as she pulls away, both of us crying, but I'm happy she's getting what she wanted. What makes her happy. She promises to call me as soon as she can. I know it will just be the both of us crying, but then at least we aren't crying alone.

The door finally closes and I turn and run to Kota, pulling him to me. He holds me tightly, rubbing my back and playing with the ends of my hair. He picks me up and carries me upstairs, setting us on my bed as I sob for another half hour. I call and leave Marie a voice mail.

"I love you," I say, my sobs turning into cries, which turn into small hiccups.

Kota sits with me until I fall asleep.