lemon lavender & long nights

how could you think that?

you asked if i wanted you dead
and i was taken aback.
after everything we'd been through,
did you really think i'd sink that low?

i loved you, i couldn't hate you
i could barely bring myself to leave you
and i used to hate myself for that

i hate that i hated myself for putting my own self-worth first
and cutting someone toxic from my life
i just wish it'd gone differently and i'd stopped you when you first hurt me
because then maybe we could've mended our friendship
but it's too far gone now

i wouldn't even know where to start the sewing
it's all just loose ends and frayed threads
but that doesn't make it any easier to accept
that i'm part of the reason why i'll never get to hear you say my name again

[unless it's behind my back.]