CLUTCH

If I had Died Yesterday

Yesterday I was in the pits of despair
As I sat alone in my silent room Yesterday I thought I couldn't repair All the mistakes that caused my doom

I was tangled in the web of dismay Suffocating on suppressed emotion
I was lost and couldn't find my way
So I fell under death's sweet notion

Whether to cut or to drown
I couldn't have cared less
I just wanted to lay my life down
And end this pitiful mess

I didn't want to be someone else anymore
I couldn't stomach people forcing me to act their part
I'd rather be found dead on the floor Than pretend that I didn't have a heart

What's so wrong with being me?
Is it really such a crime?
I just wanted them to fully see
All the gifts that I called mine

Why is it so hard to accept me?
Am I truly in the wrong?
Is it harder to welcome what could be,
then to admit I was right all along?

Keep your biting words and judging stares
I'll only dream of what could have been
I don't want to hear your opinion which tears
Instead, listen to my Requiem

But...

If I had died yesterday
Answered that knife's beckoning call If I had given in to the dismay
I would have lost it all

I would never have seen this morning's sky
Or heard the songbird's tune
I would never of rested in the sun's shine
If I died, it would all be too soon

This sky seems of a richer hue
The flower's smell sharper still
The grass is sparkling in the morning dew
As I gaze down for my windowsill

All the people who I cherish and cherish me in return
I would have left them in the night
So from now on, despite the pain, I'll have to learn
How to live and how to fight