A Life Wasted

Vacation 1988

We couldn't pull either my car or Mary's big van with the Winnebago without a trailer. What we needed was something four wheel drive. After a little shopping we bought an old International Scout. It wasn't the most practical vehicle available, but I loved the thing. We loaded up and headed west.

On the second day of our vacation something happened worth mentioning. It was Friday night and everyone wanted Pizza. Well, Mary wanted Pizza and everyone agreed. There was a Pizza Hut off the interstate so we went there. The Pizza Hut was packed, so we decided to order out and eat in the motor home. Mary went in to order. After ten minutes I stuck my head in the door to check on her. There was one person in front of her so the line didn't look too bad. She said it was a little slow because of telephone orders. I went back outside and sat with the kids. Another ten minutes and I went back in and Mary was still second in line waiting to order. The kids and dad were getting hungry so I spoke to Mary. She explained that the girl was swamped with phones, so Mary still hadn't ordered. I said I would speak to them about taking our orders, but Mary said the guy in front of her already did. The girl apologized but company policy required they take phone orders first. Mary said we should get something else, but I told her to give it a few more minutes and went back outside.

I went to the motor home and got my pocket knife then went to the back of the building. The phone lines were easy to find and simple to cut. I returned the pocket knife then went back into the Pizza Hut. Mary had just placed her order then walked over to me. She said, "Thankfully the phone line went dead so we could..." She stopped in mid-sentence, looking at me accusingly. "What," I said, but couldn't prevent my crooked smile. "They shouldn't have made you wait," I said. My poor wife just shook her head. She knew me too well. She knew I had done something to disable the phones. We never discussed exactly what I had done so she'll learn the details reading this. Mary hated when I did stuff like this. Though I know she'll deny it, I think she secretly approved this one time.

In Texas we stopped for the night at a state campground in the middle of nowhere. Before dark we watched a Cessna land in the grass. The guy opened the door and his dog jumped out. The dog ran to the back of the plane, took a quick leak then jumped back in the plane and they took off into the western sky. I know this is silly to mention, but I thought it was cool. I wanted to be that guy. Flying; free of the ground. Chasing the setting Sun across Texas landing in a random stretch of grass to walk his dog. But I wanted to be me too. I wanted to be in this big slow Winnebago, traveling slowly west with my family. I wanted to be both, but I wanted the family me more.

That night we built a campfire and roasted marshmallows. After a while we put the kids and dog in the motorhome so Mary and I could hold hands and talk while enjoying the fire. It was romantic until our dog barked as if under attack. When I stood up to check the dog the smell hit me followed by something no one wants to see near their camp fire. A skunk. The little guy slowly walked along the side of the motor home as if he didn't have a care in the world. Mary saw me freeze then noticed the skunk. The skunk kept walking and the dog kept barking from inside the Winnebago. I heard Emily trying to quiet the dog. The skunk was now under the Winnebagos door so the dog was going nuts. I could hear him jumping against the door trying to get out. Concerned Emily might open the door I made the mistake of calling to her, told her not to open the door. She couldn't make out what I said so she opened the door to hear better. The dog jumped out and landed on top of the skunk.

It's not easy to describe what happened next. It was funny to everyone but the dog and I. The dog landed on top of the skunk. The skunk did what skunks do and let loose. The dog was soaked with the skunk's spray, and I, standing too close, suffered collateral damage. The dog yapped and cried then tried to return to the safety of the motor home. Emily acted quickly to close the door and prevent that disaster. The terrified dog then ran to me. Too late to do anything else I held the dog and shared his misery. Together we watched the skunk slowly waddle off into the dark. My loving wife abandoned us both. She backed off and pointed at a spot away from the motor home, exiling dog and master. Rough night. Both of us whimpered all night. After a thorough cleaning the next day I was allowed to return to the the motorhome so we could continue on, but the dog had to ride in the Scout. The Scout suffered from the experience.