Thoughts and Livestreams

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*Previously*

"Hey"
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"Yeah, I did"
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"I went today. I don't think he suspects it. Why?"
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"Oh right, um that's an issue"
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"Well I was planning on doing it in a couple of weeks but there's been a lot of things happening recently"
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"Sorry I can't tell you about that, too personal"
"But yes. I will let you know as soon as the deed is done"
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"Ah yes. I will talk to you soon. Thank you again by the way"
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"I hope this all works out too, bye"

I slowly back away from the door, wide eyed and open mouthed. What on earth is about to happen?

A couple of days had passed since Dan has his phone call with the person I am calling 'X' until I can find out more. I still have no idea what he was up to, but I did have my suspicions.

That day, I had to go to the doctors office and then see a consultant about having a funeral and all of that sort of thing.

The doctors appointment was just to see if my body was healing properly and how it's responded to surgery and to get more painkillers and an appointment to get my stitches out . I also had a few questions to ask about like when it's safe to try for another baby if I so wished.

I was told that it would be safe for me to try and a few months time so my body can heal itself properly. Although there is a very high risk I would loose that baby too. Of course I knew that, but I Was willing to try.

Next was the funeral meeting. That went well, they said that the cost is not something we have to worry about right now, we can spread it out over a few months after the funeral as this obviously came as a shock.

I was also told that cremation was an option but I thought it would be kind of weird to have the ashes of a dead child in the flat. But at the same time, I didn't like the idea of having to pick out a coffin for my child.

You are probably wondering why we want to bury our child seeing as I was only a couple of months along, the answer to that is to say goodbye and to put our minds to rest.

When I got back to the flat, I was surprised to find Dan sitting on the couch even though he didn't look up as I walked over.

I sat down in the couch and Dan got up and left. This whole thing is confusing. I feel like he's trying to avoid me. I can't even say it's because the baby died. It was before all this happened, he just doesn't seem like he's there.

I didn't have much else to do so I decided to do a live show and explain why we hadn't been active on any social media.

I tweeted that I was doing a live stream then went onto YouNow and set everything up.

"Hey guys, so I know I haven't been active very much recently so instead of making a video, as it would be about a million years long, I decided to do a live stream so I could say everything I wanted to say in the one go without having to edit it all down."

I stopped to read some comments on the stream and to build up the suspense.

"Okay so as you know, I made a video with Dan explaining that I was carrying another tiny human inside of me and today I bring sad news"

Holding back the tears, I went on to explain what had happened in the past week and what I think it meant for the future.

"I don't want to go into too much detail as its far too personal to share everywhere but I lost the baby, or we lost the baby. Whatever the correct wording is. I would have Dan with me right now but he's had to go somewhere so I'm doing it myself"

After explaining everything, I went on to answer a few questions and I did some random things like I normally would.

After a while I decided to end the live show and make some food

I wasn't in the mood for anything but I was really hungry so I just ended up cooking some garlic chicken Kiev thing that was in the freezer.

Sitting at the table, I took some time to think about everything that had happened and it kind of upset me. Mainly because I had lost a child but also because the whole pregnancy thing seemed to have distanced me and Dan so maybe loosing the baby wasn't such a bad things after all?

It's a weird thought to have but its all I can think about.

I was about to call Dan and ask where he was but there was a knock on the door...

I'm sorry about all these cliffhangers but I have plans for this story

Okay a few things to say....

Don't ever write fan fiction on a school bus and how do you guys feel about smut? I want to add that in at some point in the story because I want a baby in this again because it wouldn't be an mpregs without a baby.

I know these chapters are short sorry ;-;

Thanks for your patience *\(^o^)/*

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