A Tale That Could Not Be [Book 2 of Selvina's Tale series]

Chapter 13: The Hatter and the Hare

Selvina groaned in annoyance for the umpteenth time in just a few minutes as she drove her palm into her forehead and clenched her teeth tightly. She stood in a vibrant garden with a large table in its middle. On its surface were dozens of teacups—most of them broken, plates, bowls, teapots, cutlery, and various kinds of food. Rapunzel stood behind her and the Cheshire cat hovered overhead, grinning as usual. "I know I'm missing a shoe; that isn't important right now."

"Oh, but it is important!" said one of the two most annoying and impossible people Selvina had ever met in her entire life. He was a man dressed in a tattered green suit, brown pants with dozens of multi-colored patches, remarkably clean black shoes, a huge polka dot bow tie, and on his head was a large green top hat with the price tag hanging off its side. Tufts of red hair stuck out from under the hat and from his breast pocket hung a broken pocket watch. He held a cracked teacup in his white-gloved hand and was making elaborate gestures, splashing tea every which way. He pointed at Selvina's shoeless foot with his other hand and widened his multi-coloured eyes in alarm.

The second character was a large, brown hare as tall as a man dressed in a red coat with trimmed fur, a stern gaze, and a black military cap on his head. He continuously paced around the table, carrying a massive spoon like a rifle, and would often bow and salute no one in particular. He spotted Selvina's shoeless foot and pointed his gigantic metal spoon at it, much like the other man was doing with his finger. "Ma'am, you have no shoe."

"I KNOW THAT!" Selvina shouted, her face red with frustration. "I lost it in the mud on the way here! I already told you this!"

"She lost it," the man in the hat said, leaning toward the hare as if not wanting anyone else to overhear.

"Aye, she did," the hare replied in a deep voice. "It is my duty to find it!"

"I'll help!"

The two then hurriedly began searching the area for Selvina's missing shoe, flipping chairs, looking under the table, peeking inside teapots, checking beneath plates, and inspecting the inside of their own shoes. The hare wore no shoes but that didn't stop him from looking between his toes. Their odd spectacle lasted for many minutes and Selvina looked up at the floating cat, who appeared to be enjoying every moment of it.

"You knew it would be like this, didn't you?" Selvina asked the cat.

Cheshire cat shrugged. "Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't. You never know what you'll get when you meet the mad."

"Who are these people?" Rapunzel asked with a confused expression on her face. At the moment the man in the hat was searching inside the hare's large ears and the hare was shoving his face inside the man's hat.

"The Mad Hatter and the March Hare," Selvina replied dryly. "I should have known asking them for help would have given me nothing." She frowned at the Cheshire cat. "It's that stupid cat's fault. It knew this would happen."

"I'm pretty sure the cat's a he," Rapunzel corrected. When Selvina fixed her a fearsome glare she raised her hands in deference. "I was just saying..."

"Saying what?" the Mad Hatter asked, darting up to Rapunzel and pressing his face against hers. "What were you saying? I'd like to know. I want to know. I need to know!"

Rapunzel backed away and kept the hatter at arm's length. "I was just saying that the Cheshire cat was a male."

"Chesh has mail?" The Hatter then rushed to hovering cat and leapt up, attempting to grab him. "Give me mail! I want mail! I never get mail!"

"Mail?" asked the March Hare, his ears perking straight up with interest. "Perhaps it is time for war! The general must be calling for me."

The Hatter shook his head wildly and fluttered his hand at the hare, as if shooing him away. "The general generally doesn't care for you or your hair, hare. He told a private to keep it private but the major said it was major and told me instead!"