The Pen Pal Project // Alex Gaskarth

21.

(Please read the authors note at the end, especially the underlined part)

KENDALL

Later after the guys had told Kendall their big news, they put on a movie.

Dead Poets Society played on the TV that was situated in Rian's basement.

The part of the movie was playing where Knox Overstreet was at his first high school party and got sucker punched when Kendall felt it.

She was situated between Alex and Jack on the couch luckily. Leaning over, she squeezed Alex's leg.

He looked down at her and saw her brown eyes, wide and in distress.

'Panic attack?' He mouthed to her.

Kendall gave the smallest of nods to confirm Alex's suspicion.

"Yeah, I'll show you where it is," Alex said loudly getting up off the couch.

Kendall stared at him confused.

"You gotta pee or what Carney?" He asked.

She pretended to roll her eyes before quickly following Alex up the stairs.

He led her into what she assumed was Rian's room.

It had Blink and Green Day posters taped to the dark green walls and there was school work everywhere along with random t-shirts scattering the floor.

Alex sat Kendall down then knelt in front of her so they were eye level, "Talk to me."

"I feel it. It's coming. Alex I don't want it," she sounded so weak she hated it.

But what choice did she have? Panic attacks broke down every façade and persona you've ever built up. They broke you down until you were nothing but a mess lying on the floor.

But Alex, Alex knew how she felt. If anyone could try and help her, it would be him.

He rubbed his hands up and down on her arms trying to soothe her, "Look at me, come on Pipsqueak. You're okay, I'm okay. The guys are great. Everything is okay."

She nodded as she felt her breaths become even shallower. This one couldn't be avoided.

The familiar sensation of an invisible hand squeezing the air out of her body overcame her. She grabbed at her chest trying to rid herself of the metaphorical hand. Tears sprung in her eyes, which were screwed shut.

Kendall could hear Alex in the background but he just sounded like white noise to her now.

She started to rock back and forth, trying anything she could to try and stop it as soon as possible.

Kendall felt arms embrace her, stroking her hair and whispering into her ear.

Alex.

After a while Kendall could finally understand Alex's words.

He was singing.

"Sing me to sleep. I'll see you in my dreams. Waiting to say, 'I miss you, I'm so sorry.'"

Not soon after that did Kendall's breathing return to a normal pace and the invisible hand choking her had disappeared.

Alex pulled her a little bit closer to his chest still rocking back and forth slowly, "Hey, you're okay."

Kendall closed her eyes again, letting the tears fall from her eyes.

This shouldn't have happened.