Dreams & Disasters || Tronnor au

|| E I G H T ||

Troye

"Can I get you anything, sir?" I shook my head, meeting the stuartist's eyes before giving a quick fake smile. She passed my isle and I turned back to the window, watching the clouds sway by in a mixture of cotton puffs and mist. It was just barely twilight, but the sky still had a warm glow because we were so high up.

I wasn't really paying attention to whatever else was going on in the plane, I was just lost in my own mind.

I already regret a few things. Snapping at Connor, for one. I was still mad, but I at least could've gotten a hold of my emotions a little better. I usually don't get very emotional, but for some reason I just . . . broke down.

I worried a lot. About my family, mostly, because they lived so far away. I still stayed in touch, but it had been harder ever since I moved. I love it in America, though, and I'd never move back. Well, maybe sometime.

And there was another thing on my mind.

Connor. When I saw him, I have to admit I was a little hopeful. He was adorable, optimistic, and I could see passion burning behind his eyes, waiting to escape. He was a little shy, but so sweet. That's what it seemed like after I started talking to him. And, I have to say, I was flirting with him a little bit. I was hopeful that maybe he would like someone like me.

But of course, he was straight. People like him always are. I felt guilty, and still do a little. It was silly for me to think I had a chance with him. He's just my friend, he's already in a relationship and I'm embarrassed that I was even thinking that.

I hate my feelings.

I looked down at my platform converse. And there, he came into my mind. Him and his million dollar house, his expensive car, his pretty girlfriend and perfect family. He had everything he could ever want, so why was he even talking to me? What good did I add to his life?

Maybe, I thought, possibly I overreacted a bit. I could have let him talk. But it didn't matter. My mom was dying, my family needed me and I just had to focus on getting there. I let the anger in my stomach just sit there and closed my eyes, hoping it would just fade away.

-

The seatbelt signal turned on and I rubbed my tired eyes, yawing. I was almost there. The closer we got to landing the more real it felt.

I tried not to imagine my mom in the hospital, surrounded by white walls and screams. I knew she hated that place. She told me many times how she would rather die at home in her own bed. I tried not to picture her, broken on the inside and out. I knew I had to face her eventually. She had told me to be strong.

The plane flew lower and lower, until it almost seemed we could skim the tops of the trees. My heart was beating faster and even just the runway from the airport in Perth felt familiar. The whole plane shook as it skidded across the ground, finally coming to the stop. I grabbed my bags and my phone, waiting as the people in front of me exited.

I bumped into a woman fumbling with my bags. "Sorry," I mumbling, realising how a complete mess I really was. I shuffled my way out as quickly as I could. The airport was cold and busy and I slowly made my way through the sea of other passengers until I finally got outside. It was late, almost early, and although the sky was dark, the air still smelled warm like summer. I could catch the sunrise.

I waited by the curb for a taxi. Cars drove by, each one going to their own destination. I bet not many of them were going to a hospital emergency room.

I dropped my things off at my hotel room. I thought about staying longer, but I didn't have anywhere to stay and hotel rooms were expensive. I cleaned up a bit first, changed out of sweatpants and took a nice shower. I dryed my hair off with a towel in from of the mirror, hating the way it fell into my eyes. I could blow dry it but I didn't have that much time. I took the elevator, standing in my own silence and talked to the receptionist in a dulled voice. I got a coffee to wake myself up, since I hadn't had the best night's sleep on the plane. The women had asked how I was and I just said, "fine."

And finally, there I was. The doors were slick and black, and it already smelled like chemicals before I had entered. My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was Tyde.

"H-Hey," I said.

"Hi, Troye," my brother's voice cracked on the line. "Are you here yet? We're just in the waiting room. Dad's already inside."

"Yeah, I'm outside."

"Okay, just a second," and the phone clicked off. I waited for not too long before the doors opened and my younger brother ran up to me (although he was taller), followed by my sister Sage.

"Troye!" She cried, and I met both of them in a hug, hiding my face in Tyde's shirt.

"My god, guys, it's been so long," I laughed, and broke apart to look at them more closely. Tyde looked a lot older since the last time I saw him. He had graduated college and was now working in an office. Sage's hair looked different, and she wasn't wearing any makeup. The slight redness in her eyes made me think she might have been crying.

"How are you?" Tyde asked, patting my back with a sad smile.

"I'm . . . okay," I sighed. "I mean, no I'm not okay, but-"

"Yeah we understand," Sage said. "Do you want to go inside?"

I looked up at the doors. I took in a breath, trying to calm my nerves. I was going to see her, I was going to be okay, and more than anything I'd make sure she was okay. Today I would be brave, just for her.

Slowly, I nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

-

Her features were pale, her makeup faded and a few days old. And even with the tubes and plasticky shirts and the little beep, beep, beep, of the heart rate monitor, she still smiled. I stood there for a few minutes and I didn't know what else to do. She looked back at me. In a quiet breath she opened her mouth.

"Troye. . ."

"Mum," I whispered back. And when I couldn't hold it in any longer, I started to cry. She reached out and I kneeled down on the floor. I took her hand in mine and hid my face behind them.

"I know you'll get better, mum," I said. "The-the doctors, they said they'll start therapy and hopefully if everything goes fine you'll be home again. I just know it-"

"Troye," she said so softly. "It's good that you have faith, but you also have to be brave. I know you are. Because things may not turn out how you want them too, but there are still opportunities and great things out there in the world. There are great people doing great things, and I know you'll find them, if you haven't already. Just trust me now, because I won't always be around to tell you later."

I wanted to say no, that she was wrong. I wanted to trust the doctors and know that she would be fine. But I didn't say anything, because I sort of knew she was right.

She turned away from me and looked over at the window. The thick curtains were drawn and the room was filled in a cold artificial light. "Troye, do me a favor and open the window please. I want you to see this."

I looked at her and slowly let go of her hand, walking to the window. I pulled the curtains away. Beams of soft pink and yellow light filled the small room.

"It's the sunrise, Troye."

I looked back at her, eyes filling with tears.

"It's the start of a new day."