Dreams & Disasters || Tronnor au

|| E L E V E N ||

Troye

It was Christmas Eve. I didn't really know anyone at the party, and neither did Connor. We stood in the corner with cups of lemonade and talked because we didn't know what else to do. I was silently thankful Connor was there, so I wasn't completely alone.

I'm trying to get over him. I know he's gay, but some part of me thinks he'll never get out of his relationship and that there's not any hope for me. I just want to help him. It would be selfish for me to do all of this just so I could be with him. I'm letting him figure it out himself.

Sometimes I think I've gotten over him. When I'm alone I can easily push those thoughts away, but as soon as we're talking again and he smiles and his eyes crinkle up in that signature way, I can't help it. He's like a little puppy and I just want to protect him.

"Are you bored?" I ask, turning to Connor.

"Mm . . . yeah, you could say that," he said. He was wearing a thick maroon sweater and a nice pair of dark wash jeans. He had started styling his hair down recently. I liked it like that, it made it look softer.

"Maybe we could-"

"Can we go to a bar?" Connor said suddenly. "I just want to get really drunk."

My eyes widened a bit. "Uh, I mean sure," I said, not sure if he was being serious.

When I looked at him I could tell he wasn't joking at all. His eyes were kind of miserable looking, like they needed to be saved. He looked tired. He was done dealing with everything.

I gave him a half hearted smile. The idea didn't sound too bad to me.

"Okay, let's do it," I said.

Merry Christmas.

-

It being the night before Christmas, there weren't too many people there. It was dark and warm and we sat at the counter and stared at the neon signs. Through the first bottle of beer Connor was quiet, his face vacant from emotion. We got through a second and he had a third. At one point I think he started crying. The bartender looked like he was ready to shoot himself in the head.

"Please stop crying," I whispered. He slowly stopped. He didn't even sniffle. We sat there for a few hours and he kept drinking.

"Maybe you should stop," I suggested. Connor shook his head. I knew it was pointless to argue. I'd only had a few drinks and if I stayed sober I could at least stop anything bad from happening to him.

After a while I loosened up a bit and Connor's mood seemed to have changed. He started to smile and laugh a bit and before I knew what was happening he was leaning across the counter holding his stomach because he was laughing so hard.

"What? What is it?" I said. I started to laugh too. He looked up.

"It's, it's . . . Christmas, Troye," he said, and I looked at the clock. It was just after midnight. "And I-I'm a fucking mes-ss." He wouldn't stop laughing, and then I started giggling and we looked at each other, giggling like maniacs. Finally I grabbed his wrist and stood up, pulling him to follow.

"Where are we . . . are we g-going?" Connor asked as he stumbled to try to stand up. I caught him as he was falling and held him up tightly.

"Outside!" I said. "Come one."

We ran out into the snow where there was a large empty area with an oak tree. The moon was out and everything was bright and crisp. Connor let go of me and stood there as I ran out into the snow and kicked it with every step. He started smiling and ran after me, almost falling a few times so I waited for him and grabbed his hand. I thought I was just being nice but he looked up at me so suddenly and smiled so largely I could see all his teeth. I could've sworn he blushed, but then it was gone and he started spinning around like a little kid and laughing.