Secrets are my Sanity

Chapter 10

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress

handful of anger, held in my chest

and everything left’s a waste of time

Nothing to gain

everything to fear –Nobody’s listening.

Chapter 10

Within two weeks of really meeting each other, Shane and Nick were roommates. It felt surreal but a blessing nonetheless for Nick. There was this unbelievable peace to be out of that house he was forced to share with his uncle. Sure it was awkward sometimes with Shane but other times it was fun too like they were real friends.

Over that following week since the move the times they ran into each other; it was pretty easy so Nick didn’t want to press his luck, he stayed at work late or hung out with Julianne, he only went home to sleep.

That boring Sunday he was working the cash register at the book store. It was a little after noon and he was flipping through a magazine when he felt a shadow wash over him. He looked up and was met with a pair of light blues that could only belong to one person. “Hey.” He sat a little straighter.

“We’re living together but it feels like we barely see each other. We got the outline done of the project but we haven’t started any of the building.” It made sense for Shane to seek him out over the project.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Trying to hide from him wasn’t a good excuse to fail a class, a very important class. “I’m free at four.”

“Great. I’ll shop for the supplies.” With a dazzling smile he turned and left the store.

Alone, Nick sighed and wished he had the strength to not let Shane affect him. It was a smile which shouldn’t be such a big deal but for Nick it had his heart racing. Over the last few days, probably because they were sharing such close corridors, Nick began having some dreams and Shane. While the dreams were happening it was perfect, he gave into the desire but when he woke up that was another story. He hated himself for being so weak.

“You work here? Is the owner on drugs or something?” an annoying female voice said.

“I had hoped you left town to go to school or maybe marry some rich bastard.”

Amber Keys was his ex-girlfriend, when they dated she hadn’t been such a royal bitch, just a bitch. He couldn’t believe he had ever liked her or pretended to. When they were going out he thought she was pretty but he never wanted her the way most boys, straight, boys would. That’s partly why they broke up. The main reason they broke up was the constant way she would put him down. He had gotten enough of that at home and refused to put up with it from her.

“But,” Nick added to his earlier statement. “You can’t hide your attitude long enough for some poor bastard to propose.” For a long time he would shy away from her, take her bulling at school without fighting back, not anymore. He wised up from that during senior year and grew a backbone.

“Ring this up so I can go before your disgusting cooties rub off on me.”

“Are we in kindergarten and I don’t realize it; cooties?” he grabbed the two books and ran them across the scanner.

With an aggravated groan she paid and stormed away. Seeing her upset did wonders for Nick’s mood.  

His replacement arrived a little earlier and took over. Nick gathered his things and headed home. He arrived half hour earlier then they agreed upon.

Apparently Shane decided to use that free time to work out. Nick cursed his horrible bad luck as his eyes were glued to Shane who was doing pull-ups wearing nothing but a pair of shorts.

Nick thought about turning around and coming home much later but he couldn’t move, he couldn’t blink, he was transfixed.

“You’re home early.” Shane said, noticing him but not stopping his routine.

“Yeah.” Nick said weakly, his eyes still glued, his head bobbing up and down to follow Shane’s movement. He felt a shift in his pants and forced himself to look away and think about Amber’s annoying attitude, that would take away any man’s erection.

Shane stopped his sexual torture and sat on the floor. “You look sick.”

“I ran into my ex-girlfriend and she makes me want to vomit.” That was partly the truth, what had him red and flustered had nothing to do with Amber. “You ready to get some work done?”

“Let me get cleaned up.” he jumped up from the floor and took off down the hall.

Nick couldn’t stop himself and watched Shane leave; the shorts he wore were long to his knee but kind of tight revealing a nice ass. Nick tried again to think of Amber and another annoying things but he couldn’t shake the desire coursing his body.

After taking a shower and getting dressed he gathered in his room with Nick. The living room was still pretty bare and all of the supplies and the desk were in his room, it just made sense.

Yesterday they had been talking about the project quickly before Nick went to work and had a few new ideas. Nick promised to let Shane see his full portfolio to get a better idea of what else they could use to make their project perfect.

Nick joined him in the room and handed him the black case. He sat with Shane on the bed as he looked through his portfolio as they went over ideas for their project. “These are really good.” Shane said with a smile, he was still amazed with his talent and these were even better then the last ones he saw.

Nick was rather quiet; he focused on the floor for several minutes before he turned to Shane. “How different is it?” he whispered.

Shane closed the book. “What?”

His eyes held a battle, of what? Shane couldn’t figure that out. “Kissing a woman from a man.” Nick answered.

Shane’s eyes grew wide. “What?” his heart started to thud painfully inside his chest.

“I’m…just wondering.” Nick’s voice was pained with a nervous shake.

Shane looked down at his hands then back up to find Nick watching him. “Uh…I kissed a girl once when I was thirteen and hated it. I’ve never done it since so I don’t really know if there’s a difference.” He explained nervously, his mind going a mile a minute trying to figure out why Nick would be asking this.

“Can I….?” he let the question hang there as he moved a little bit closer.

Shane’s eyes grew even wider. “No. I’m not going to be your lab rat.” He turned away feeling even more confused and wished Nick would find someone else to experiment with. He glanced at the other boy again and found him watching him, his green eyes intense and waiting. Shane sighed and found himself submitting. “Fine.” He whispered angrily as he dropped the book to the floor. He had a crush on Nick and because of that he was allowing himself to be used and set up for heartbreak. He should be kicking Nick out of the room but he secretly wanted him to do it, to kiss him.

Nick didn’t need any more incentive then that. He sat up on his knee and leaned into Shane who had his eyes closed, waiting for the torture to be over. The kiss wouldn’t be the torture, what happened after when he left, that would be the torture.

Nick laid his lips over his in the softest manner at first, if this was it then that wouldn’t be too bad Shane reasoned but then Nick deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside his mouth as his hands moved up his shoulder and through his hair.

Oh crap, Shane thought as he felt himself getting lost in this little experiment. He fell back willingly on the bed after Nick nudged him. He laid there completely surrendered to the other boy.

Nick’s lips were soft and demanding, searching every inch of his mouth for his taste. The lip ring he wore was cold and erotic against Shane’s own lips. Nick’s hands moved through his short hair and down to his shoulder.

Shane heard himself whimper as Nick kept going, pushing him closer and closer to the edge.

Seconds later Nick pulled away, looking down at him with dark lust filled green eyes. Those eyes held a lot of emotion, some of them want and other conflict. He sat up and then ran out of the room.

Shane laid there with tears pricking his own eyes.