Secrets are my Sanity

Chapter 11

I'm swimming in the smoke

of bridges I have burned

so don't apologize

I'm losing what I don't deserve –Burning in the skies.

Chapter 11

Nick drove away from the apartment questioning what the hell had gotten into him, why had he been so forward with Shane? He knew he was going crazy and wanted to know what it’d be like to kiss Shane but this was wrong, so wrong. But he hadn’t been able to forget about Shane there working out on the floor or what he looked like nearly naked. The images swam though his mind as he sat there next to Shane and next thing he knew those questions were coming from his mouth.

He pulled over on the side of the road and let his tears fall. They couldn’t go back to being friends after this, Shane would want to know why the hell he kissed him anyway. He’d want to know if there was something Nick was hiding.

He sat back and replayed their kiss, wondering if it was worth it and the short answer was yes. He would’ve killed to know the taste his mouth and for those short minutes his dream had come true. But at what cost? His subconscious taunted. 

His cellphone began to ring; he checked the number and recognized it as Shane’s. There was no way he was answering, he was probably calling to yell at him for being such a fool.

The ringing stopped and Nick let out a sigh or relief only have to have phone ring again, this time it was a message. Against his decision to hide he read it. ‘It’s ok.’ It was from Shane of course.

 Nick stared at the screen, biting his bottom lip, trying to figure out that those two words could mean.

His tears fell harder and he snapped the phone closed.

Shane cursed and threw his phone down, after ten minutes he was sure Nick wasn’t going to write him back. If anyone should be mad and avoiding the other one it should be him. As he thought about it he did start to get angry. What the hell was all of that anyway?

He heard of guys being curious but this was much more then that. He had felt it; Nick wanted to kiss him, to touch him.

He heard the front door opening and knew it had to be Michael and Julienne, a day didn’t pass without Michael stopping by. If anyone had answers about Nick it’d be Julienne. He jumped from his bed and met them. “Hey, you guys busy?”

“Not really, what’s up?” his brother asked.

“I need to talk to Julienne.”

“Why?” Michael asked. “You’re not switching teams and trying to steal her away are you?” it didn’t matter the time or day he had to make jokes. “She already thinks you’re hotter then me.”  Shane glanced at the girl in question and saw her face was red with anger. She threw her hand back and hit Michael across the chest. “Fine, you can have her now.”

Julianne narrowed her eyes at Michael as she stepped forward. “Remember that later, my legs are staying permanently closed.”

“Aww baby don’t be like that!” Michael yelled as she walked away, following Shane back down the hallway. “Your brother is such an ass.”

“And for some stupid reason you’re in love with him.” He didn’t know how she or anyone could put up with Michael for such long periods of time.

“I think I have some serious mental problem the doctor didn’t find.” She joked about it now but her time in a rehab felicity for depressed suicidal people hadn’t been easy for her a year ago. “What do you want to talk to me about?”

He led her into his room and shut the door. “Nick.” He watched her face and noticed how she dropped her eyes to the floor, she was nervous. “Is there something I should know?” he asked carefully.

“About what? Is the agreement not working out or did he flake on the project?”

He kept watching her and knew he was on the right track asking her, if he wanted answers he was going to have to tell her everything. “He kissed me.”

Her head shot up from shock then she quickly looked back down. “I don’t know why he would do that.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t, Nick’s always liked girls and if he kissed you he must’ve had a g---good reason.” As she started to stutter he knew he was on the right track.

“He asked me if it was different from kissing a girl and then asked if he could kiss me. It looked like he was experimenting but I know it was more then that. It wasn’t like we were drunk and it was some mistake. Why doesn’t he just tell me the truth?” Shane asked, his voice tight with anger and frustration. He wanted answers. He wanted to know if there was some truth to his suspicions. If there was some way they could….no that wasn’t in the picture. The important thing right now would be finding Nick and making sure he was ok.

Julienne kept her eyes focused on the floor. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She didn’t want to be talking about this, or be put in such a bad spot.

Shane knew she was trying to be a good friend and keep whatever she knew to herself upon Nick’s wishes but damn it Shane wished she’d spill. There was something going on with Nick and that led to the kiss. “I need to talk to him but he’s avoiding it.”  he was worried Nick was beating himself up over this. He had been honest in his message, it was ok, he wasn’t going to hold it against him.

“What do you want me to do?” she asked, willing to help in that aspect.

“Try calling him, see if he’s ok.” He knew he should be angry for the way Nick handled the situation but all he could feel was fear that he was somewhere hurting, somewhere blaming himself.

Julienne pulled out her phone and tried a few times. “He’s not answering. I’m going to go find him.” she rushed out of him room with the same fear, that Nick might hurt himself rather then face reality.