Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Seven |

Dear Diary,

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.

Mhm, I guess I never get tired of ripping off petals while thinking of him.

He's the sweetest person alive and that feeling he gives me is indescribable, full of passion, love and admiration.

He's my mere meaning of the word, "Perfection."
The way he's his self around me without wearing a mask to cover his inner hidden self drives me even more insane around him. The way he looks at me and instantly smile and wave to me is the uttermost intoxicating feeling anyone would ever wish for to start their day with.

It's been eight, long months but at the same time, it feels like yesterday when that first glance, first talk and first smile made me fallen into deep, deep love.

I've learned that when you truly love somebody/something, you would do anything to not lose them even if that thing might hurt you the most. It's sacrificing for the person you love against your own will or needs.

I've lied to myself and others that I stopped loving him. I stopped a lot of things for the sake of not losing him nor our friendship. I'm not even close to regretting that I sacrificed a lot of things, my biggest priority is not losing him.

Time would never ever qualify our friendship nor all the one sided love experience.

I feel so blessed and lucky that we met.

The most valuable lesson I've learnt is never to get attached to anyone unless they also feel the same; one sided expectations can mentally destroy you.

I'm so in love with you, and I can't get over it.

I tried not thinking of him but he just gets into my head.

Every little thing about him just likes to creep up into my mind every second.

His beautiful brown eyes, his wonderful laugh that lights up the room, the wonderful smile he gives me that makes me melt into a puddle, the little sparkle in his eyes when he's genuinely happy. Everything about him I love and I don't think I can ever change those feelings.

The process of moving on really isn't easy at all. Now that I think about it, nothing about this whole process was easy.

Falling in love was not easy.

Hiding my feelings were not easy.

Not making things awkward was not easy.

Not kissing him every time I see him was not easy.

Being just a sister to him was not easy.

Trying to ignore him was not easy.

Trying to fall out of love is not easy.

Thinking of him just makes me the happiest person to ever exist. He means everything to me and I've never loved a person this much. What am I going to do?

Well, what if I move on and then he loves me?

Wow, and there I go imagining. That is a mere impossibility that can only ever happen in my dreams and only there.

Another route this can go is for me to get him to like me. I don't know what to do for him to start liking me, I tried my best for him to notice me or start liking me but there was no use. He shows no feelings whatsoever towards me and I have to live with that.

I honestly don't know what to do. I just hold on to that hope that he'll love me back someday. But I think I'm wrong.

The heart wants what is wants and I cannot do anything in my power to stop it.

I just wish he would feel the same way I do.

But I'll just end up moving on.

Dear him,

Well I can't get over you and it's been a few months now. I've been strong all these past weeks that I've lived but I'm not strong anymore since that first day I've felt butterflies in my tummy because of you. There are seven billion people in the world and I can't get over you, I would choose you over and over again without regrets or remorse.
Because I could watch you for a single minute and find a thousand things that I love about you.

Life is a game and love is only the prize.

Love,

Your Lover.