Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Thirty |

Dear Diary,

My head betrayed me last night with a dream of you and me.

It's been three weeks.

Three weeks ignoring each other..

I was right. If I do not start the chats then he does not even make the effort to speak. I just can't believe I expected so much from him, it was a really disappointing thing I had to deal with.

Three weeks and three days its been, and I feel like we are strangers. Is our friendship over? I hope not.

My feelings now are all over the place. I don't speak about him at all with my friends, I only think of him sometimes but not as much as before, and I still get excited when I know I am about to go see him. It's not like before, however, it was much less.

How can I move on in three weeks?

Wait, what?

I still love him but just, not as much as before.

• "I know that's it's wrong that I can't move on, but there's something about you." •

I could start fires with what I feel for you.

Everything is changing, and it is changing way too fast for my liking. It hurts and It is confusing me.

How can life be that tough?

I love him a lot, and it hurts me not talking to him but I won't. If he wants to talk to me, he will have to the one who starts the conversations.

I feel like my heart is getting exchanged, or I feel that I'm not the same person I was three weeks ago. What's happening?

I'm getting dressed now because my friends, him, his friends, and I are going out to have lunch together. I cannot believe I'm going to see him after ignoring each other for weeks.

I hate change.

I really cannot put into words how much I love you. I have loved you ever since that first conversation, and I love you today, and I will love you tomorrow, and every single day after that, endlessly - beyond our lives and into our next.

Everything is changing so fast and I'm too terrified, too confused.

I can't lose what I never had, I can't keep what isn't mine, and I can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to stay.

I've spent months moving on, and one small thing brings me back to square one every time.

I wonder what'll happen today..

Will we ignore each other?
Will we still be talking to each other?

I guess, maybe both?

I really can't put into words how much I'm confused. I want him but at the exact same time, I want to move on. I'm tired from all this drama.

I'm so freaking exhausted of being sad but it seems so hard to be happy nowadays and I can't even control how I feel anymore.

I'm done.

I'm done loving him every single day of my life.

I'm done thinking of him every minute of my life.

I'm done crying over him every week.

I'm done counting the days or even weeks to see him.

I'm done checking if he's okay.

I'm done staring at our pictures.

You don't even need a gun, you don't even need a pill. If you ever want to die, fall in love and you'll get killed.

I have to remember we are just friends.

We are just friends.

I'll remember that.

Forever and always.

Dear him,
I just wish I was perfect for you. I would be able to make you happy. Everyday. I only care for you. Yet, I still don't do it right.
I'm sorry I gave you everything I had, without making sure you wanted it.

Love,

Your Lover.