Wasteland Deity

01 Years

I spent years trying to learn how to breathe. I spent years trying to learn how to control the tremble in my hands. I spent years trying to thin out the traffic in my head.

Yesterday, I couldn't catch my breath. My lungs labored and I gripped the bed sheets in panic.
Yesterday, I dropped the fork in my hand. It clattered onto my plate and my family stared as my hands moved in quakes.
Yesterday, I didn't hear what my sister was trying to tell me. I was going through so many thoughts in my head that I wasn't even aware of someone I loved.

I spent years wishing away my sadness but shooting stars were never my friends. And I wanted to be better but that wasn't the case in the end. The storms within my body rage and clash. And I'm falling to pieces, burning out and turning to ash.
I spent years hoping that I would survive.
But this isn't what it means to be alive.
And I hate to admit it but what was left of me has already died.

I spent years trying to learn how to breathe.