Wasteland Deity

06 Fucked Me Up

He fucked me up. He ripped me open and deemed it wise to cut my lungs into pieces, and sew them back together. It was his way of making me feel like i was always drowning. He dipped me in a bathtub full of glitter because he wanted me to sparkle like the porcelain he was convinced i should have been made of. He fucked me up.

And then i thought i had gotten away. Putting my trust in a man dressed up. This one didn't keep me captive, no collar around my throat. I sat on the sidewalk clawing at my skin because feeling nothing was the greater sin. And i got sick of someone telling me to believe in god, because i was tired of believing in things that weren't really there. He fucked me up. I escaped but came back for old time's sake.

I don't know why i did it. That's a lie. I know why. I just don't want to admit it. The moment i came back was like he was taking down a neglected doll to dust. Like i hadn't left. And i didn't. My mind was still embedded with every 'i don't love you' he shot my way. Fuck, this is what you do. Isn't it? You make me romanticize every fucking fucked up thought in my head. Because every ounce of pain you caused me made me feel alive.

You fucked me up.