Wasteland Deity

03 Growing Up

                 

The idea of growing up and leaving has me unable to breathe. I start to cry, I start to weep, I start to drown in all that was me. I can't seem to find the strength or the motivation to carry on. To take that extra leap and move on. I can't get over the hill of my sorrow. I just can't...not even tomorrow. And I'm trying to be at peace with all that I am but I can't seem to find anything that is real in me. All that I see is that of graveyards and empty space. I don't recognize this face. And I want to cut lines into my thighs and just forget the world. But I know if I did I would reach a point where there is no return, no carrying on. And I wish I had a gun, so I could just end it now. But even then, I don't want to do that. I'm at a crossroads. My future is up ahead, and the end is right. I don't know what's left or behind but storms are rolling over those hills. Do I take direction or do I just run through the fields. Maybe I need help but where has that gotten me? Left at nowhere with rocks in my pockets. And I don't know where to go. Or how to try. All I know is that I don't want to die.