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Chapter 14

September 6th, 2018- 3 years ago

Harry,

I'm currently writing this on this damn, itchy couch in an uncomfortable cross-legged position. My legs feel like they are going to break if I uncross them, but I don't want to. I want to keep the pain all in. With tear-stained cheeks, along with this letter that has a couple damp spots that will later turn into crippled parts, I would like to apologize, and you probably know why.

You probably know what's been going on because of Louis. He most likely told you what has been going on with me, and why the letters have stopped. I would like to start my first apologize for not writing back immediately.

It's hard Harry, you know? And I understand it's at the most difficult level for you, and I'm sorry for this. This is the truth: I wanted to cut off all ties with you, so the feeling wouldn't get greater and I wouldn't be even more sad. But, drama started and Niall told me about you writing to Louis. I shouldn't done that to you Harry, and I'm so sorry. I was thinking about myself and not being so selfish when you didn't know what the fuck was going on.

I found out last week about your letter to Louis. Funny because it wasn't him that told me, it was Niall. I was riding in the car, and finally squeezed it out of little church boy Niall, who acted like it was such a big deal, which it was. He told me most of what I needed to hear, and I was just shocked.

I went to a party later on and saw Louis. We talked, of course, but Harry, there's one thing I need you to promise me, truly. Louis was joking around and being a twat, but then he turned serious when speaking about this. You made your way into our conversation, no surprise there, and it just made me think.

Harry, I like you, okay? You know that already, and I know you like me... I think. But, I just don't want it to go further than that, and I'm so sorry. You have to promise me that you're not falling for me and won't fall for me. Promise me that, Harry. You won't fall in love with me or any of that shit, please Harry, don't. I'm not saying that you would, I'm just saying I am not the right person for anybody clearly, and I can't let you do this to yourself.

Myself and my life itself is fucked up, and I can't let you mess yourself up too by getting involved with me. You're too stable and organized to get caught up with me, and I can't let that happen, Harry. I'm not saying you stay away from me completely or whatever, just I can't fall for you and you can't fall for me.

Louis was joking around saying all that dumb shit and then it had me thinking about us. Us? Is there even an 'Us?' I don't know, I think I've been overthinking this stuff and going too far. I don't know where all of this has came from. I'll just blame it on sleep since there is nothing else, but Harry, just promise me that one thing. I know I said it all of a sudden, but I just had to get this out of my head before it bothered the hell out of me.

Anyways, moving on, I'm sorry for not writing back if I haven't said that already. I was fucking stupid, and I honestly don't know, Harry. I truly don't know what I'm saying right now. A couple drinks got into my system last night, and now here I am laying on the couch with a fucking hangover. My old ways have returned back, sadly, and I have this damn headache that feels like a hammer slamming against it. There's so much I want to tell you right now, but I just can't. I wish I could, but I'm terribly sorry. But, soon, Harry Styles, soon. I don't want to really talk about this anymore, so let's talk about you and your letter.

Obviously, I got your letter, and I have some things to say about it. Yes, it did sound a little catchy, I'll give you that, but you spent over ten minutes on it. Wow, I really do make you think, Hershey. You cracked me up when you made the 'I miss you' part sound like you did such a good job, not that I'm making fun of you or anything. You said your letter was 'amazingly rephrased,' and for some unknown reason, I laughed my ass off. No kidding. But, I do miss you, Harry, a lot more than I should be, and I will definitely admit that.

I'm not with Louis, and you know that, Harry. I know you meant it as a joke, but if you didn't, consider everything that we both have been through. I'm not saying that you think the same, but I don't feel the same way with Louis as I do with you. Louis is more like a brother, and you... That's something I'll have to tell another day because I'm smiling like an idiot and have a horrible headache. I hope you know what I'm trying to hint.

Hey! I'm not that bad of a runner, Hershey. In fact, if I do remember correctly, I was the one ahead of you when we were running away from those cops, so ha! But, yeah, I guess we could do some exercise-y things, even if that if a word. I could kick your butt in running or some shit like that. I already have once.

I didn't know about this new hobby, Harry Styles, and it interests me very much I must say. I will have to take a visit to this extra room of yours, and maybe throw some paint around also. Maybe that's something you're good at because you sure as hell aren't good at running away from cops or anything. I could name more, but I am too lazy right now and my hand hurts from all of this damn writing.

And Niall... I'm going to ask him about that. Streaking through the streets? There is no surprise that he was drunk, but is it horrible that I'm laughing at the image right now? It's a pretty disturbing image, but quite funny because he tripped and everything.

Oh my God, I'm so weak right now, Harry. Horny Harold?! I'm laughing so hard right now, which might explain for the random ink marks on the paper. I don't want to know anymore information about the horny part, no. Please no.

I just want you to know that everytime I talk or think of you Harry, a smile always makes a way onto my face in some strange way. No kidding, I'm smiling like a damn idiot right now and this is how I want to end the letter. I like good endings, and this might be a good one. Sorry for the shortness of the letter, well, I feel like it's short. I hope you know that I'm not going to be using the x's or anything since you told me that. I usually leave my name, and that's what I'm going to do.

I miss you so much Harry, but I'll see you soon.

El Parker.