ask.fm ✎ phan au

7.0

Phil

We spent the whole trip listening to music together, chatting and telling things that we have never said to each other.

Dan mentioned several times the topic "you and I" but I have immediately changed the subject. This made me feel strange. I'll think about it later.

We descend the stairs of the bus because we must go to our rooms, it's late and we can't stay out alone.

"Tell me what number your room is so I can come to see you, okay?" I ask.

"Don't you have better to do?"

"No," I smile.

"Thank you Phil," says Dan and I walk away.

Fortunately PJ is on the stairs so I run for meet him "PJ, I'm exploding," I scream like a twelve year old who sees his idol for the first time.

"How did it go?" he asks smiling.

"Well," I smile too, "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure"

"How do you feel when you're with Chris?"

PJ confused by the question, responds, "If you're asking yourself what love physically feels like, well. Butterflies in your stomach, heart pounding, chills, your legs are shaking, your head can just think "fuck he's so beautiful", and chills again"

"Shit," I whisper.

"What?"

"I kinda.. tried all these things when Dan was talking to me"

"Then, my beautiful, you're cooked," he chuckles.

•

I walk down the corridor, I'm about to go into Dan's room. Thinking that I'm nervous is an understatement.

The 37. I knock and wait, then see my friend. His hair is more tousled than usual and he's wearing a pajamas. Um, it will be ten o'clock at night, it is normal.

"Hi Dan," I smile.

"Hey, come in," he says.

"Nice pajamas," I chuckle.

"Thanks," Dan smiles. Then he approaches to me resting his head on my shoulder. I could stay like this forever.

I caress his hair, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he smiles detaching.

I smile too, "What do we do?"

"Um, we watch a movie?"

"Yes," he smiles, and we go to sit on the bed. Dan goes on Netflix with his laptop, and make it rests on his legs.

I feel uncomfortable on the bed with him, but I says nothing.

"We should cuddle," Dan says quietly. "It will be cute"

"I'd like to," I reply honestly.

Dan relaxes and I hug him, "Okay like this.. or do you feel uncomfortable?" I ask.

"I'm good," he smiles.

I smile back and we start watching the movie. And Dan's lips are becoming red as he bites them, fuck.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes," Dan whispers caressing my hand, "I want to kiss you"

"Excuse me?"

"I want to kiss you on the lips"

My heart is beating so fast, I think I can have a heart attack right now. "But–"

"You can do it?" he asks.

Dan looks so kissable. But it's.. early?

"Phil? Sorry if I said–"

"It's okay," I whisper, "It's just, maybe it's early. I don't even know if I like you"

"Oh," Dan begins, "I'm so sorry"

"Baby it's okay," I smiles. "I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry, I love you," Dan whispers.

I want to say it back, I want to love Dan. But he will be my first boyfriend, I don't know how to act. It's stupid because girls and boys for me are the same. He's too mysterious and too weird and I don't know..

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I say and I caress his hair.

"Don't leave me, please," he whispers looking down.

"No Dan, I'm not going to leave you," I say. "Watch me in the eyes"

He does it and smiles, "Thank you Phil, you're my best friend and my only friend, I don't want to lose you"

"I promise I'll stay here for you," I smile.