Reached the final book? At this point you're either too lazy to read the last book, or you just want to finally watch (or understand) that movie. You know how a book series made into a movie series was very good? Because the movie posters don't even have to put the title of the movie. I mean most of them read "it all ends..." *theme music.
Seriously, once you start reading it, you can't put it down. Just read one chapter, it won't hurt, come on, everybody's doing it. One chapter won't hurt. Man I sound like a drug dealer.
Gave up? I guess for your mental health, I'll do this. So you know what everyone was crying about in the theatre.
Voldemort's called a tea party...I mean, meeting, with his death eaters at Malfoy's house. Mrs. Malfoy is thinking (damn it, he's using my favorite armchair for that snake of his, if he wasn't an evil overlord I'd give him a piece of my mind).
"Guys, what's the 411 on the Harry Potter sitch"
"idk" nameless deatheater
"wtf. how hard is it to catch a teenager?" voldemort
lucius whispers to his neighbour "he's one to talk"
voldemort knows they're talking behind his back but if you've ever seen real housewives, he holds his cards until he needs to use them.
Snape enters in a grand entrance, all his evil robes slithering behind him. His hooked nose entering the room before he does.
"The kid's escaping tonight"
"sick, good job snape. No all together everyone! To number four privet drive. We'll get him this time, and his little owl too"
~~
At number four privet drive
Uncle Vernon "why do we have to leave?"
Aunt Petunia "because lord voldemort is coming here honey, get with the program"
Harry "kbye"
Dudley "i guess your're not that bad" awkward handshakes with Harry
the Dursleys leave and literally everyone else shows up (okay not everyone, almost everyone).
Rollcall: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Mad Eye Moody, Bill Arthur Fred George Weasly, Mudungus Fletcher, Hagrid, Tonks, Lupin, Fleur Delcaour(Bill's boo) lemme know if I missed anyone.
Mad eye moody's plan in a nutshell: half the people take polyjuice potion and pretend to be Harry and each have an order of the phoenix body guard. Because they want Voldemort off the real Harry's trail, he's going to ride in the shitty side car of the motorcycle with Hagrid.
How it works out: kind of successfull, they all end up at, you guessed it, Ron's house the Burrow. JK also didn't want to exacerbate the set building costs, which is why most of the book will be about camping.
Roll call at the end: Harry, Ron, Hermione, not Mad Eye, Bill, Arthur, Fred, George Weasley minus an ear, Hagrid, Tonks, Lupin, Fleur, minus Hedwig
You with me so far?
So they eat, Harry gets depressed about losing Mad Eye and then they start preparing for Fleur's wedding and in the middle of Harry's half-fast birthday party, the new Minister for Magic Scrimgour shows up!
Scrimgour "I need to talk to your kids"
Arthur Weasly "Sure, you want some cake?"
Scrimgour "No, I'm on a diet"
~~
Scrimgour "So Dumbledore died and he left you stuff"
Harry "Cool"
Scrimgour, "Ron get's a lighter, Harry get's an old snitch, Hermione gets a book"
Ron "well that's useful"
Scrimgour "oh and btw he left you a sword but you can't have it"
~~
Harry Ron and Hermione dip at the wedding because relatives....I mean, because of the death eater attack.
Hermione: Let's go grab a cup of coffee but we can change out of our nice clothes first. You know, I don't want to get my dress dirty. Priorities
Harry: Wow, your magical beaded bag that can hold literally everything without being heavy would have been useful in so many situations like ever in the history of mankind, but you know, so was the time turner.
Ron: I know isn't she so cool?
~~
The Coffee shop is raided by death eaters and Hermione kicks ass as usual.
Harry "Ron what are you staring at you already knew she was awesome"
Ron "but now she's awesomer"
They go hide out in Sirius's od house, despite emotional trauma it may cause to Harry.
