I've realized, if you're really so stubborn at this point that you actually won't even watch the last Harry Potter movie (with the newfound knowledge of the Harry Potter world from the internet aka me) then I'm going to ghettofy the whole experience for you.
Basically, if you read Dumbledore's death in an abbreviated version on the internet, this is what you get.
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So Draquesha was all like what's dis bitch doin in ma house and I was like yo, don't be hatin on ma weasleys and Rhonda and Hermisha was like "mmhmm." And Draquesha was all like "jus because you got shanked in the face by Voldemort, you think you aaaal dat" and then, Hermisha just slapped him.
I'm just joking.
Here's the seventh book.
~~
Harry goes through Sirius's old stuff and finds an old letter written by his mom *cries*
Hermione and Ron hold hands as they sleep *I cry*
HERMIONE: omg Harry I thought you got kidnapped we were looking for you.
HARRY: I thought you were cuddling sorry. Didn't feel like thirdwheeling.
Ron(aside): Then don't
HERMIONE: omg Sirius's brother Regulus is RAB the guy who had the real real horcrux and not the knockoff you risked your life for. Probably just guessing.
RON: Bacon?
HARRY: Wait a second! I have elf slaves now! Kreacher, Dobby I command you to help me defeat Voldemort
DOBBY: Yay!
KREACHER: Wachu talkin bout fool?
HARRY: Fine, I have to do everything myself.
RON: Kreacher where's your old master Regulus keep his jewelry?
HARRY: Probably next to his drag outfit.
DOBBY: LOOOOOL
KREACHER: Master made me swear not to tell but....okaaay fine I'll tell you. He gave it to me to destroy but I couldn't do it then Mudungus Fletcher stole it.
HARRY: Find the scumbag (I kid you not that's the word used in the book) and bring him here
Fast forward some days.
HARRY: Mudungus did you steal the necklace
MUDUNGUS: Pawned it too
HARRY: To who?
MUDUNGUS: To Dolores Umbridge
RON: Harry can I please just murder her? I promise I won't ask for anything else I swear.
~~
Harry Ron and Hermione devise and plan and disguise themselves as ministry people and sneak into the Ministry of Magic.
Hermione finds Umbridge and because of her disguise is forced to go to a hearing where she finds out people with non magical heritage (aka non pure bloods) are getting mock trials and sentanced to have their souls sucked out by dementors. Remind you of anything? Stalin's purges? Mao? Nazi death camps? You get the picture.
Lo and behold, Harry Potter, Ron Weasely and Hermione Granger save them all with their patronuses, grab the necklace off Dolores's neck and escape with their lives before the polyjuice potion runs out. Bet you didn't see that one coming.
Unfortunately, a death eater saw where they were hiding out by accident.
Oh and this happened:
LUPIN: Hey guys can I help you fight Voldemort?
HARRY: No your wife Tonks is pregnant go buy her some cheerios and ice cream.
LUPIN: So it's like that huh?
HARRY: Whatchu gonna do about it, Punk.
~~
Anyways back on track.
Now Harry Ron and Hermione are camping in the woods and Ron is accidentally mortally injured because he couldn't teleport properly. (They should just get a tardis, it would make things a lot easier)
See ya!
