Due to popular request I am going to skip an all important info session about Fantastic Beasts and where to find them and skip right on ahead to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
So here you are again, you've turned up at this link, hoping to escape the exponentially increasing thickness of the novels in this series. You can turn back now, cancel that densist appointment and that date with your e-harmony match, blow off cleaning the garage for a couple of hours, find a public library, a book store...your younger cousin's bookshelf! Find yourself a copy before you read this.
No? Well here's the condensed version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:
HARRY'S DREAM:
Bacon, New broom, seeing my friends again, bacon...
Once upon a time there was a very rich family called the Riddles, they were a mother a father and a son. One day while they were having dinner, someone came and killed them, since invesitgators could not find out how they had died, seeing as the only evidence was a pure look of horror on their faces, they immediately thought that the aged gardner with the back problem was the perpetrator. The Gardner said he had no incentive anyway, but the police took one look at his keys and said, "you were the only one with access to the house". This man's name was Bryce. After they actually did some investigating, they found out that it could not be him and sent him home with an apology a muffin basket. I lied, police don't give out muffin baskets to accused killers even if they're not.
Many years later Bryce minding his own business sees some light in the top window of the house where he continues to work even though his boss is dead. Thinking they are bored teenagers with alcohol, he goes in and checks it out. As it turns out it is Lord Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew and some other guy with wierd looking eyes that keeps licking his lips. Bryce is now afraid that these are hippies. When they start talking about killing a kid named Harry Potter, Bryce tries to run away, but is eaten by a giant snake.
The End
But not really....How's THAT for a cliff hanger for you to read the books. Bet you didn't know Voldemort had a basilisk and a snake. Harry's got an owl. Ron had a rat. I mean I only have an aging gold fish! No? Well here you go then.
Breakfast at the Dursleys.
DUDLEY: Mum I want more bacon!
PETUNIA: Of course duddykins
UNCLE VERNON: Harry go do the dishes.
HARRY: NO!
UNCLE VERNON: Oh yea? What are you going to do about it? Use your magic? You're not allowed! So Ha!
HARRY: I'll call my serial killer godfather (who by the way is not a serial killer) Sirus Black and he'll come murder you in your sleep!
UNCLE VERNON: I take back my 'Ha'
HARRY: BTW I'm going to see a match with my BFF and his family tomorrow
UNCLE VERNON: Manchester?
HARRY: No, where do you live, in England? I'm going to see the Quidditch World Cup.
Uncle Vernon twitches his eye at the mention of magic.
There is a sound in the living room.
PETUNIA: Bandits!
DUDLEY: Mommy!
UNCLE VERNON: For god sakes son you're fifteen!
All the Weaslies show up to pick up Harry via floo powder a mode of transportation in which one travels by throwing a magical powder in the fireplace (standing inside it) and yelling the name of the location.
