Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
HARRY: Hey Uncle Vernon, do you think you could sign a permission form for me to visit Hogsmeade?
UNCLE VERNON: No Your Aunt Marge is coming
HARRY: The fat one with the crazy dogs?
DUDLEY: yup
AUNT PETUNIA: Duddykins!
HARRY: I'll tell her I'm a wizard if you don't sign
UNCLE VERNON: Okay I'll sign your stupid form, just don't tell her you're a wizard, she'll think you're a freak!
HARRY: What's my alibi?
UNCLE VERNON: You're a juvenile delinquint that we put into a correctional school. Plus you're mentally disable.
HARRY: Ah. That is very un-freaky. Good thinking.
Later on Aunt Marge arrives. At lunch Aunt Marge is being mean to Harry.
HARRY: Marge you're so mean! I can't control my magic! I'm going to blow you up!
Aunt Marge blows up and floats away into the air.
HARRY: Sooo. About that form.
Uncle Vernon chases Harry calling him names and threatening him.
HARRY: You know what, I just turned thirteen today and I think this is the perfect time for me to use my hormone shift. I'm running away from home and there's nothing you can do about it.
Harry gathers things and goes outside at night all alone and sits on the curb thinking about his other clever ideas in the past.
HARRY: Man, mayebe I should have thought this through a little more.
The Knight Bus comes.
NIGHT BUS DRIVER: Choo doin out ere? Cho fall fo? Cho wanna come on the bus?
HARRY: Sure. Take me to Diagon Alley.
NIGHT BUS DRIVER: BTW theres a serial killer on the loose
HARRY: Good to know
At Diagon Alley, Harry sees Minsister for Magic Cornelius Fuge in the restauraunt The Leaky Cauldron.
HARRY: Are you sending me to Azkaban?
FUDGE: Why would I do that?
HARRY: Because I blew up my aunt.
FUDGE: Oh no happens all the time.
HARRY: Sick.
FUDGE: So you can hang out here until school starts.
HARRY: I love being a wizard.
On his birthday Harry gets a bunch of presents. One is from Hagrid. He opens it and it's a book thats trying to kill him known as the Monster book of Monsters.
HARRY: I thought I learned my lesson about evil books last year.
Closer to when school starts, Harry goes shopping for school things and he meets Ron and his family and Hermione. Hermione just got a cat that's trying to eat Ron's pet rat. Harry has an owl named Hedwig if you didn't already know.
At the train station once they have bought everything they needed.
ARTHUR WEASLEY (Ron's dad): Harry, I need you to promise that you won't go looking for the serial killer.
HARRY: Oh shoot and I was going to give him a fruit cake!
On the train to Hogwarts:
DEMENTORS: We're looking for Sirius Black
